joke and sms

2009-11-25T05:38:00.001-08:00

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chiggy wiggy

2009-09-10T06:38:00.000-07:00

download blue mp3 songs
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santa bante one liner

2009-05-23T11:24:00.001-07:00

Teacher: what do u call a person who cannot hear anything? Santa: U can call him anything, because he cannot hear anything.		Santa standing on the scale, holding his stomach in. Jeeto: I don't think that is going to help. Santa: Sure it does. How else could I see the numbers?

Two goldfish in a bowl talking: Goldfish 1: Do you believe in God? Goldfish 2: Of course, I do! Who do you think changes the water?		Angry Santa to his son: Have you ever seen an owl? Pappu: (Luking down) No... Santa: Don't look down. Look at me.

Santa: I got married because I was tired of cooking, cleaning home and washing clothes. Banta: Amazing, I got divorce for the same reason.		2 Hijade ek shaadi ki badhai dene gaye. Haye haye main to 1100 lungi. Dusri Boli main to 2100 lungi. Peeche se Santa bola Abey 2310 le lo usme FM bhi hai!!!

Doctor asks Santa to give urine sample, stool & sperm sample for his yearly checkup. Santa: I’m in a hurry doc, can I leave my underwear!		Interviewer: What is skeleton? Santa: Skeleton is a person who started dieting but forgot to stop it..!!!

Jailor: Tumhe kal subah 5 baje phansi di jayegi. Sardar: Ha Ha Ha Ha! Jailor: Kyon has rahe ho? Sardar: Main to uthta hi subha 9 baje hoon!		Santa sent SMS to his BOSS: Me sick, no work. Boss SMS back: When I am sick I kiss my wife try it. Two hours later Santa sms 2 boss: Me ok, ur wife very sweet.

Santa ki chatri me hole tha, kisine pucha, umbrella mein hole kyu? Sardar bola: Oye barish ruk jayegi to pata kaise chalega.		Teacher: Translate - Bazaar mein goliyan chal rahi hain. Santa: The Tablets are walking in the market.

santa banta jokes collection

2009-05-23T11:21:00.000-07:00

Santa: Tere result da ki banya? Pappu: Miss kendi aey es class wich ik saal hor laggay ga? Santa: Saal pavain 2,3 lag jawan par fail na hovin mera puttar.	Three friends after exam. Lucky: Yaar mujhey kuch nahi aata tha main paper khali chor aya hon. Banta: Main bhi! Santa: Shit yaar, teacher samjhe gi hum ne cheating ki hay.

Jeeto: Sharm ani chahiye, tumhare Preeto se sambhand hai. Santa: Sorry, par tumhe kaise pata chala? Jeeto: Kal Banta aya tha usne tumhara Underwear pahena hua tha.	Banta: When I get mad at u, u never fight back. How do u control ur anger? Preeto: I clean the toilet. Banta: How does that help? Preeto: I use ur toothbrush.

Jeeto: U know, husband & wife aren't allowed to be together in heaven! Santa: Yes, I do.That's why it's called heaven!	Santa had a dream in which someone murdered him. Next day he closed his bank account. Know why? Because the bank's slogan was: We make your dreams come true...

Banta: Wife agar husband ko naukar samjhe to husband ko kya karna chahiye? Santa: Zyada kuch nahi, do char ghar aur pakad lene chahiye.	Santa opened A College. Guess the Name of College? The Name of the the College was: WOMEN`S COLLEGE FOR BOYS

Pappu: Dad, what is an idiot? Santa: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can't understand him. Do you understand me? Pappu: No.	Santa aadhi raat ko apni moti bibi se bola k sisak sisak ke marna theek hai ya ek dum. Jeeto: Ek dum. Santa: To apni dusri tang bhi mujh per rakh do.

Santa aur Jeeto mein larai ho gayi, Santa ghar se chala gaya. Santa raat ko phone pay: Khanay mein kia hai? Jeeto: Zehar. Husb: Main dair se aaonga, tum kha kar so jana.	Santa found the answer to the most difficult question ever: What will come first, Chicken or egg? O Yaar, what ever U order first, will come first.

santa wife b day

2009-05-23T11:18:00.002-07:00

Santa thought he had conquered his problem of trying to remember his wife's birthday and, also, their anniversary.

He opened an account with a florist, provided that florist with the dates and instructions to send flowers to Jeetoo on these dates along with an appropriate note signed, "Your loving husband."

Jeeto was thrilled by this new display of attention and all went well until one day, some bouquets later, when Santa came home, kissed her and said offhandedly, "Nice flowers, where'd you get them?"

dead men don't bleed.

2009-05-23T11:18:00.001-07:00

Banta thought he was dead, but in reality he was very much alive. His delusion became such a problem that his family finally paid for him to see a psychiatrist.

The psychiatrist spent many laborious sessions trying to convince Banta that he is still alive. Nothing seemed to work.

Finally the doctor tried one last approach. He took out his medical books and proceeded to show Banta that dead men don't bleed. After hours of tedious study, Banta seemed convinced that dead men don't bleed.

"Do you now agree that dead men don't bleed?" the doctor asked.

"Yes, I do," Banta replied.

"Very well, then," the doctor said.

He took out a pin and pricked the patient's finger. Out came a trickle of blood.

The doctor asked, "What does that tell you?"

"Oh my goodness!" Banta exclaimed as he stared incredulously at his finger ... "Dead men do bleed!!"

santa bitten by snake

2009-05-23T11:17:00.000-07:00

Santa and Banta were hiking in the woods when Santa is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake.

"I'll go into town for a doctor," Banta says.

He runs 10 miles to a small town and finds the town's only doctor, who is busy delivering a baby.

"I can't leave," the doctor says. "But here's what to do. Take a knife, cut a little 'x' where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground."

Banta runs back to his friend, who is in agony.

"What did the doctor say?" Santa asks.

"He says you're gonna die."

santa banta married life

2009-05-23T11:15:00.000-07:00

Once Banta asked Santa, "What is the secret behind your happy married life?"

Santa said, "You should share responsibilities with due love and respect to each other. Then absolutely there will be no problems."

Banta asked, "Can you explain?"

Santa said, "In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues where as my wife decides on smaller issues. We do not interfere in each other's decisions."

Still not convinced, Banta asked, "Give me some examples" Santa said, "Smaller issues like which car we should buy, how much amount to save, when to visit home town, which Sofa, air conditioner, refrigerator to buy, monthly expenses, whether to keep a maid or not etc are decided by my wife. I just agree to it"

Banta asked, "Then what is your role?"

Santa said, "My decisions are only for very big issues. Like whether America should attack Iraq, whether Britain should lift sanction over Zimbabwe, whether to widen African economy, whether Sachin Tendulkar should retire etc. Do you know one thing, my wife NEVER objects to any of these".

bank detail

2009-05-10T11:12:00.001-07:00

A girl proposed a boy but the boy does not respond to her. After many days suddenly the boy called the girl and asks to meet him as he like her very much.

The girl became confused and asked the boy, “What Happened ? After so many days you accepted my proposal.”

The boy replied, “Today your father came to our bank and opened a new account, so I did not delay!!

speech of new girl

2009-05-10T11:11:00.001-07:00

A newly wed girl was being welcomed at the husband’s home in a traditional manner.

She was asked to give a little speech. She addressed as follows:

“My dear family members, I thank you for welcoming me in my new home and family”, she said “Firstly, with my presence I would not want to create any inconveniences by my being here. I mean that I don’t want you all to change your way of life, your routine.”

“What do you mean my child?” asked the patriarch of the family.

What I mean dad is:

Those who used to wash dishes must carry on washing them.
Those who used to do the laundry must carry on doing it.
Those who cooked shouldn’t stop on my account.
Those who used to clean should clean.

As for me, I am here just to control your son!

dump kid

2009-05-10T11:09:00.002-07:00

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his Customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”

The barber puts a dollar in one hand and two quarters in the other,

then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?”

The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

“What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!”

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar?”

The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game’s over!”

brotherly love

2009-05-10T11:09:00.001-07:00

Teacher asked to a student, “If you see a man beating his donkey and you go to stop him, what virtue would you be showing?”

The student replied, “Brotherly Love.”

bad conductor

2009-05-10T11:07:00.004-07:00

A man is working on the buses in the US collecting tickets.

He rings the bell for the driver to set off when there’s a woman half getting on the bus. The driver sets off, the woman falls from the bus and is killed. At the trial the man is sent down for murder and seeing as it’s Texas he’s sent to the electric chair.

On the day of his execution he’s sat in the chair and the executioner grants him a final wish.

“Well” says the man, “Is that your packed lunch over there?” “Yes” answers the executioner. “Can I have that green banana?”

shadi nahi kar sakta

2009-05-10T11:07:00.003-07:00

Boyfriend to Girlfriend: Darling main tumse shaadi nahi kar sakta gharwale mana karrahe hai.

Girlfriend: Tumhare ghar mein kaun kaun hai?

Boyfriend: Ek biwi aur 3 bacche…

Funny Furneal

2009-05-10T11:05:00.000-07:00

A family was puzzled when the coffin of their dead mother arrived from the US . It was sent by one of the daughters.

The dead body was very tightly squeezed inside the coffin, with no space left in it when they opened the lid they found a letter on top addressed to her brothers and sisters:

Dear Chandrakantbhai, Arvindbhai, Smitaben and Varsha,

I am sending mothers body to you, since it was her wish that she should be cremated in the compound of our ancestral home.

Sorry, I could not come along as all of my paid leave is consumed.

You will find inside the coffin, under her body, cans of cheese, 10 packets of Tobler chocolates and 8 packets of Badam (peanuts) please divide these among all of you.

On her feet you will find a new pair of Reebok shoes (size 10) for Mohan. There are also 2 pairs of shoes for Radha’s and Lakshmi’s sons. Hope the sizes are correct.

She(dead mother) is wearing 6 American T-Shirts. The large size is for Mohan.

Just distribute the rest among yourselves.

The 2 new Jeans that she is wearing are for the boys. The Swiss watch that Reema wanted is on her left wrist.

Shanta masi, she is wearing the necklace, earrings and ring that you asked for. Please take them off her.

The 6 white cotton socks she is wearing must be divided among my nephews. Please distribute all these fairly.

PS : If anything more required let me know soon as Bapuji is also not feeling too well now a days..

three names

2009-05-07T11:03:00.000-07:00

Theres three kids called trouble,manners and shut up, and their playing a game of hide and seek and trouble is it. So Shut up hides behind a police car and Manners hides up a tree. A police man appears and goes “hello son whats your name?” So the boy replires “shut up”, the gobsmacked police man goes “Wheres your manner?”So the boy says “Up a tree.”The now furious police man goes “Are you looking for trouble son ?” and the boy says “No troubles looking for me !”

monastery is not easy

2009-05-07T10:56:00.000-07:00

A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he’s allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. “Cold floors,” he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, “Bad food.” They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. “I quit,” he says. “That’s not surprising,” the elders say. “You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here.”

bagho

2009-03-26T10:40:00.000-07:00

Ek chota baccha bahut der se ghar ke bahar khada darwaje ki ghanti bajane ki kosish kar raha tha.Toh ek budha aadmi aaya aur kaha:

Budha aadmi: Kya kar rahe ho beta?

Baccha: Uncle, yeh ghanti bajana chahta hoon.

Budha aadmi (ghanti bajake): Yeh lo bajgaya, ab kya hai?

Baccha: Ab bhago!

singl sardar

2009-03-26T10:38:00.000-07:00

Sardar at bar in New York.

Man on his right says “Johny Walker single”.

Man on his left says “Peter Scotch single”.

Sardar says - “Baljith Singh Married”

humpty dumpty

2009-03-26T10:37:00.000-07:00

Original

Humphty Dumphty sat on a wall,
Humphty Dumphty had a great fall,
All the kings’ horses, all the kings’ men
Couldn’t put Humphty Dumphty
together again

Baba Karnail Singh baitha si Dukaan te’
Baba Karnail Singh diggya dhadam se, Pind de log phir
aa ke kehan lagge,
Baba Karnail Singh te gaya hun kaam se.

black tie only

2009-03-26T10:36:00.000-07:00

A Sardar received an invitation, to a party
which said “Black Tie Only”!!

When he went to the party he was surprised to
find the other invitees wearing trousers and shirts
as well !!!!

santa banta

2009-03-26T10:34:00.002-07:00

While visiting Santa’s house, Banta noticed that he had replaced his usual TV with a smaller model.

Thinking that perhaps the larger set has broken down, Banta asked why the small one was there.

“Oh,” Santa replied, “I have decided to watch less T.V.”

santa banta

2009-03-26T10:34:00.001-07:00

Ek sardar doosre se keh raha hai ke “Maine machcharo ko ullu banaya !”

Second Sardar: “Kaise?“

First says: Maine mosquito coil mere bajuke room mein lagaya aur main apne room mein soya. ha ha ha ha…..

figure of a female

2009-03-26T10:32:00.001-07:00

In an elephant’s school, some loafer elephants were hanging around in the canteen. A sexy female elephant passes by the canteen.

Then one of the elephants says: “Look yaar, 3600 - 2400 - 3600!!”

incom tax

2009-03-26T10:30:00.000-07:00

Income tax officer gave tips to a young lady, “You should pay your income tax with smile.”

The lady replied, “I have tried it thrice, but every time they insist on cash or cheque.”

Airllin nw buisness plan

2009-03-26T10:25:00.000-07:00

In light of all the recent news surrounding airline bankruptcies and mergers, you might want to heed these warning signs…

10. They hedged their fuel by buying $500 in Sam’s Club Fuel Cards.

9. The new sign in the terminal reads “BYOB” Bring Your Own Blankets.

8. The Flight Attendant asks if she can borrow your iPod touch to plug in to the video unit so they can have an in flight movie.

7. You look into the cockpit and noticed that the pilots are those blow up dummies from the movie “Airplane”.

6. There are Google Ads running on the back of all the seats.

5. Last 5 People Off the Plane Have to Clean Up.

4. In order to pay for extra fuel the dreaded “$1 for every pound you’re over 200 pounds” tax has been added to all tickets

3. All flights now will offer in air casinos.

2. The stock’s price on the screen says “Close to Zero”.

1. Good News…free drinks. Bad News……$5 for toilets!

BOSS

2009-01-06T09:22:00.001-08:00

A boss was complaining in a staff meeting the other day that he wasn’t getting any respect.

Later that morning he went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign that read, “I’m the Boss”.

He then taped it to his office door.

Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said. “Your wife called, She wants her sign back!”

GIFTS

2009-01-06T09:20:00.002-08:00

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting together for Christmas, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.

The first said, “I built a big house for our mother.”

The second said, “I sent her a Mercedes.”

The third smiled and said, “I’ve got you both beat. You remember how mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can’t see very well. So I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He’s one of a kind. Mom just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it.”

Soon thereafter, mom sent out her letters of thanks:

“Dear Milton,” she wrote one son, “The house you built is too huge. I live in only one room, but I have to keep the whole house clean!”

“Dear Gerald,” she wrote to another, “I am too old to travel. I stay at home most of the time, so I rarely use the Mercedes.”

“Dearest Donald,” she wrote to her third son, “You have the good sense to know what your Mother likes. The chicken was Dee-licious!”

MUJHSA SHADI KAROGI

2009-01-06T09:20:00.001-08:00

Santa proposing a girl: Darling kya tum mujse shadi karogi?

Girl: Tameez se baat karo.

Santa: Behan ji, kya aap mujhse shaadi karogi?

2009 LATEST SHOR JOKES

2009-01-06T09:19:00.000-08:00

Boss : Where were you born ?
sardar : Punjab.
Boss : which part ?
sardar : Kya which part ? Whole body born in punjab.

2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
sardar 2 : Dont worry, I have a one more.

Sardar : What is the name of your car ?
Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with “T”.
Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaara gaadi
petrol se start hoti hai.

Sardar was busy removing a wheel from his auto. A man asks sardar why
are you removing a wheel from your auto.
sardar : Cant you read the board. Parking is only for 2 wheeler.

Sardar got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket. He
gave
Rs.10/- and took the ticket and said April fool. I have pass.

Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the
computer.
Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.

On a romantic day sardar’s girlfriend asks him. Darling on our
engagement day will you give me a ring.
Sardar : Ya sure, from landline or mobile.

Doctor to patient : You will die within 2 hours. Do you want to see any
one before you die?
Patient : Yes. A good doctor.

How will you destroy a submarine full of sardars ?
Simple. Just knock the door and they will open it….

Santa was busy in removing a wheel from auto,
Banta asks: Y r u removing a wheel from ur auto?
Santa: Can’t u read ‘Parking for two wheelers only’

Santa joined NASA. After one month the Americans had to change the name from
NASA to SATYANASA

Santa apni girl friend ko I Luv U kehta hai aur gir jata hai.
Gal: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?
Santa: I’m falling in love.

Santa: Today is Sunday & I wanna njoy, so I bought 3 movie tickets
Jeeto: Why 3?
Santa: For you and your parents

Museum Administrator: That’s a 500-year-old statue u’ve broken.
Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.

A man to Santa: Aao ji chess khelein
Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoes pehen kar aaya.

At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Santa: Control yourself. Don’t cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?

In an interview,
Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. ….
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup…

Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night. He got
irritated…
drank poison & said,
Ab kaato saalon, sab maroge!

Banta: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is all
India
Radio!

Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Santa: Tipu’s skeleton.
Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?
Santa: That was Tipu’s skeleton when he was child

_________________
If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate
Santa was busy in removing a wheel from auto,
Banta asks: Y r u removing a wheel from ur auto?
Santa: Can’t u read ‘Parking for two wheelers only’