Husband asks, Do you know the meaning of WIFE.
It means...Without Information Fighting Everytime!
WIFE satys No, it means -
With Idiot for Ever.

anniversary

Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes..!!

6 things

In our life time 6 things can come at any time:
1.love
2.friendship
3.money
4.death
5.illness
-
-
-
6.susu: isliye karke sona .good night

hathi

Once three cheentees were sitting.
Just then a haathi passed by.
‘Oye haathi’, said a cheethi ‘Mujhse kushti ladega’
Other cheethis said’Chod yaar bechara akela hai!’

cartoon

Hum dua karte hai khudase ke
Wo aap jaisa dost aur na banaye,
Ek hi cartoon jaisi chiz hai hamare paas
Kahin wo bhi common na ho jaye…

wah wah

when you breathe, you respire!
WAH WAH
when you breathe, you respire!
wah wah
when you dont breathe,you expire!
wah wah kya baat hai.

pyar

Usne mujhe pyar diya saraswati samajhkar,
Usne mujhe pyar diya saraswati samajhkar,
Par maine usko jala diya agarbatti samajhkar…

lamha lamha

Lamha Lamha waqt guzar jayega…
Chand lamhon mein exam aa jayega…
Abhi bhi waqt hai, do line padh lo…
Warna pass kya MUNNA BHAI karvayega??

dosti

Aanssu tere nikle aankhen meri ho,
Dil tera Dhadke to dhadkan meri ho,
Dosti hamari itni gehri ho ki,
Job tum karo aur Salary meri ho.

style

Aap ke haath main mobile hai
Chrere pe smile hai
SMS ke acchi khasi file hai
Phir bhi aap SMS nahi karte
yaar, yeh kaisa style hai…!

wahda

Ek Dost Ka Dost Se Wada Hai
Marte Dam Tak Nibhayenge,
Maut Aye To Tumse Pehle Hum Jayenge,
Tum Ko Na Bhul Payenge,
Tumhe Bhi Sath Le Jayenge..

lal lal

Daru pio to aankhe lal,
Mehndi lagao to haath lal,
Kiss karo to lips lal,
Kisi ladki ko chhedo to muh lal,
Bach gaye to jio mere lal

nasha badta ha

Daruse Nasha Badhta Hai,
Nashese Junun,
Jununse Mehnat,
Mehnat Se Paisa,
Paise Se Izzat
Isliye Izzat Paneke Liye
Daru Pina Bahut Zaroori Hai! CHEERS!!!

falto shayari

Arz Kiya Hai:
Bakre Ne Maara Jo Bakri Ko Sing,
To Bakra Bhi Marega Bakri Ko Sing,
Wah Wah…

jhoot nahi bolenga

CIRCUIT : Bhai, Bapu ne bola tha ke kabhi jhoot nehin bolna mangta hai.
Apun aaj se kabhi jhoot nehin bolega Bhai.
MUNNA BHAI : Aye Circuit, woh Sabrina ka baap aya hai tere ko dund rehla hai.
CIRCUIT : Bhai usko bolo apun gaoon gayea hai, kheti karne ko.
MUNNA BHAI : Par Circuit, abhi to tu bola kabhi jhoot nehin bolega.
CIRCUIT :Bhai, apun jhoot nehin bolega, par tum to bol sakta hai na.

Gandhi jayanti

PROFESSOR : Gandhi Jayanti ke baray mein kya jante ho?
MUNNA BHAI :Gandhi bahut zabardast aadmi tha, Baap. Maa Kasam, par apun
ko yeh
nehin maloom ke yeh Jayanti kaun hai.

bal gadi

MUNNA BHAI : Circuit, bole toh yeh Ford kya hai?
CIRCUIT : Bhai, gaadi hai.
MUNNA BHAI : Toh phir, yeh Oxford kya hai?
CIRCUIT : Bole toh, simple hai bhai. Ox maane Bael, Ford maane gaadi. Oxford bole toh - BaelGaadi.

jokes by our readers

Doctor! I have a serious problem, I can never remember what i just said. When did you first notice this problem? What problem? (Scott) What is defference between man and Superman? Man wears underwear under the trouser and superman wears it over the trouser. (Tejas Chachcha) How do you know if your a red neck? You go to the family reunon to find a date! (Faithe Ainsworth) Yo mamma so stupid, she tried to commit suicide by jumping out her basement window. (Kyle Burglie) Yo mamma so fat, every time she turns around its her b-day!!! (Pisshead Bonehead) Sam: Would you punish me for some thing i didn't do? Teacher: no, of course not. Sam: good, because i didn't do my homework. (Scott) What is green and smells? Hulk's fart. (Azbar Kahleed) Why did the elephant bring toilet paper to a party? Becase he was a party pooper. (Briana) You so short you have to look up to look down. (Crystal) Yo mamma is so fat: She eats Wheat Thicks. We're in her right now. She was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for a new world. She lay on the beach and people ran around saying, "FREE WILLY." (M.P. Monaghan) Yo mamma so ugly when she was born, your mother said, "What a treasure!" and your father said, "Yea lets go bury it". (M. P. Monaghan) Yo mamma so ugly, she got arrested for mooning when she looked out a window. (M. P. Monaghan) How do you make a blonde's eyes sparkle? Shine a torch into her ear... How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? His lips are moving. Why won't sharks attack lawyers? Professional courtesy. What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand? Not enough sand. Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer? Take your foot off his head. Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer? No? Good! What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit? The bucket. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire? A vampire only sucks blood at night. Yo mama's so fat she had her ears pierced by harpoon. Yo mama's so fat she needs a watch on both arms because she covers two time zones. Yo mama's so fat she needs a hula hoop to keep up her socks. Yo mama's so fat when she goes to a restaurant she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate. Yo mama's so fat, she sets off car alarms when she runs. Yo mama's so fat, when she fell in love she broke it. How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb ? Two. One to change it, and another one to change it back again. How many Conservative economists does it take to change a lightbulb ? None. The invisible hand does it. How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. If the light bulb really needed changing, market forces would have already caused it to happen. Have you ever noticed... anybody going slower than you is an idiot. And anyone going faster is a maniac. George Carlin You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is. Ellen DeGeneris I think men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They have experience pain and bought jewelry. Rita Rudner I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain. Carol Leifer I have a great diet. You are allowed to eat anything you want. But you must eat it with naked fat peple. Ed Bluestone I went into MacDonalds yesterday and said "I'd like some fries". The girl at the counter said "Would you like some fries with that". Jay Leno Why don't oysters give to charity? Because they're shellfish. What can you do in radiation-contaminated rivers? Nuclear fission. Why did the jazz musician like the wooden board? Because it had a nice groove in it! How can you tell if a redneck is married? There is tobacco spit stains on BOTH sides of his pickup truck. I�m currently fasting to protest hunger strikes. Scott E. Roeben People like crowds. The bigger the crowd, the more people show up. Small crowd, hardly anybody shows up. -Gallagher I took a philosophy test that asked us to explain Nothingness. I left it blank. -Scott E. Roeben I heard that the idea for the patent was stolen. -Scott E. Roeben A hearty laugh gives one a dry cleaning, while a good cry is a wet wash. -Puzant Kevork Thomajan I�m tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That�s deep enough. What do you want �an adorable pancreas? Kerr, Jean Smoking kills. If you�re killed, you�ve lost a very important part of your life. -Brooke Shields Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning. -Rich Cook Go To Jokes Page

NEXT plz

Patient: Doctor! You've got to help me! Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say.
Doctor: Next please!

Nothing sir

Headmaster: I've had complaints about you, Johnny, from all your teachers. What have you been doing?
Johnny: Nothing, sir.
Headmaster: Exactly

verb

Teacher: "Nick, what is the past participle of the verb to ring?"
Nick: "What do you think it is, Sir?"
Teacher: "I don't think, I KNOW!"
Nick: "I don't think I know either, Sir!"

products of west bengal

Teacher: What are some products of the West Indies?
Student: I don't know.
Teacher: Of course, you do. Where do you get sugar from?
Student: We borrow it from our neighbor.

do u want to hear dirty joke

A: Do you want to hear a dirty joke?
B: Ok
A: A white horse fell in the mud.

teacher to student

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the....
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

smart one wish formula

A Gujju having no child, no money, no home, a blind mother, prays to God.

God happy with his prays, grants him a wish but its only one wish!

Gujju thinks about his wish and says, “I want my mother to see my wife putting Diamond bangles on my Child’s hands in our new mansion!“

different signs

# Sign on a railway station at Patna :
Aana free, jaana free,
pakde gaye to khana free.

# Seen on a famous beauty parlor in Bombay :
Don’t whistle at the girl going out from here.
She may be your grandmother!

# Sign at a barber’s saloon in Juhu, Bombay :
We need your heads to run our business.

# Seen on a bulletin board:
Success is relative
More the success, more the relatives.

# A traffic slogan:
Don’t let your kids drive if they are not old enough - or else they never will be…..

elastic means

Hansa: Praful elastic matlab??

Praful: Elastic Hansa…

Apni voh radha ben unki beti ila …
Usko jab fracture hua tha to voh kya leke chalti thi??

Hansa: Ila to…
Ila-stick leke …
Ila-stick !! Ila-stick!!!

alphabet means

Hansa: Praful, alphabet matlab….

Praful: alphabet Hansa, local train mein safar karte hoye maasi jaise hi koi seat khali dekhti hai, to wo apni beti Alpha se kya kehti hai?

Hansa: Alpha beth seat pe, Alpha beth,acha toh yeh alphabet….

MP sir

Officer: What Is Your Name?
Candidate: M P. Sir

Officer: Tell Me Properly.
Candidate: Mohan Pal Sir

Officer: Your Father’s Name?
Candidate: M P. Sir

Officer: What Does That Mean?
Candidate: Manmohan Pal Sir

Officer: Your Native Place
Candidate: M P. Sir

Officer: Is It Madhya Pradesh?
Candidate: No, Munnur Pal Sir

Officer: What Is Your Qualification?
Candidate: M P. Sir

Officer: (angrily) What Is It?
Candidate: Metric Pass

Officer: Why Do You Need A Job?
Candidate: M P. Sir

Officer: And What Does That Mean?
Candidate: Money Problem Sir

Officer: Describe Your Personality
Candidate: M P. Sir

Officer: Explain Yourself Clearly
Candidate: Magnanimous Personality Sir

Officer: This Discussion Is Nowhere, You May Go Now.
Candidate: M P. Sir

Officer: What Is It Now
Candidate: My Performance. ..?

Officer: M.P!!!
Candidate: What Is That Sir?

Officer: Mental Problems

jokes of the weak

Pehla gadha: Yaar mein jis dhobi ke ghar kaam karta hoo, vo mujhe bahut marta hai.

Doosra gadha: Tu ghar chor kar bhaag kyo nahi jata.

Pehla gadha: Kya batau yaar dhobi ki ek bahut koobsurat ladki hai, vo jab bhi shararat karti hai to dhobi kehta hai ki, teri shaadi kisi gadhe se kar dunga.
Bas yeh soch kar ruka hua hoo.

A government employee found an old brass lamp in a filing cabinet. When he dusted it off, a genie appeared and granted him three wishes.

“I’d love an ice-cold beer right now,” he told the genie.

Poof! A beer appeared.

Next, the man said, “I wish to be on an island, surrounded by beautiful and willing women.”

Poof! He was on an island with gorgeous women fawning all over him.

“Oh, man this is the life,” the guy thought. “I wish I never had to work again.”

And poof! He was back at his desk in the government office!

दर्द

एक युवती दर्द की शिकायत लेकर डॉक्टर के पास पहुंची।
''आपको कहां दर्द है ?'' डॉक्टर ने पूछा।
''सब जगह दर्द है। प्लीज मेरी मदद कीजिये ।'' युवती ने कहा।
''सब जगह...। क्या मतलब ? जरा साफ साफ बताइये ।'' डॉक्टर ने पूछा।

युवती ने ने अपनी तर्जनी से घुटने को छुआ और चिल्लाई - ''ओह, यहां दर्द है।'' फिर उसने उंगली से ही अपने गाल को छुआ और बताया - ''आउच, यहां भी दर्द है।'' फिर उसने अपने कान को छुआ और चीखी - ''यहां भी दुखता है । प्लीज मेरा इलाज कीजिये ।''

डॉक्टर ने कुछ देर तक ध्यानपूर्वक उसका परीक्षण किया फिर कहा - ''आपकी उंगली टूट गई है।''

काश आप हमारे होते

याद करने के लिए कोई चीज चाहिऐ
आप नही तो आपकी तस्वीर चाहिऐ !
लेकिन आप की दिल तस्वीर मेरी भुला ना सकेगी
क्योंकि वो आप की तरह मुस्कुरा ना सकेगी !!

*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!**!*!*!*!*!*!
*!*!*!*!*!फूलों पर तेरा नाम है "..." *!*!*!*!*!
*!*!*!*!*!हवाओं में है तेरी खुशबु ,*!*!*!*!*!
*!*!*!*!*!*मेरे शेर .. तेरा नगमा,*!*!*!*!*!*
*!*!*!*!*!*हर लफ्ज़ में तू ही तू *!*!*!*!*!
*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!**!*!*!*!*!

««««««●-(¯`(N)´¯)*.काश आप हमारे होते .*(¯`(N)´¯)-●»»»»»»