Showing posts with label jokes by readers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label jokes by readers. Show all posts

bank detail

A girl proposed a boy but the boy does not respond to her. After many days suddenly the boy called the girl and asks to meet him as he like her very much.

The girl became confused and asked the boy, “What Happened ? After so many days you accepted my proposal.”

meeting.jpg

The boy replied, “Today your father came to our bank and opened a new account, so I did not delay!!

bagho

Ek chota baccha bahut der se ghar ke bahar khada darwaje ki ghanti bajane ki kosish kar raha tha.Toh ek budha aadmi aaya aur kaha:

Budha aadmi: Kya kar rahe ho beta?

Baccha: Uncle, yeh ghanti bajana chahta hoon.

dorrbells.jpg

Budha aadmi (ghanti bajake): Yeh lo bajgaya, ab kya hai?

Baccha: Ab bhago!

MY DICITIONARY

CIGARETTE:
A pinch of tobacco
rolled in paper
with fire at one end
and a fool at the other!

MARRIAGE:
It’s an agreement
wherein
a man loses his bachelor degree
and a woman gains her master

DIVORCE:
Future Tense
of Marriage

LECTURE:
An art of transmitting Information
from the notes of the lecturer
to the notes of students
without passing through the minds
of either

CONFERENCE:
The confusion of one man
multiplied by the
number present

COMPROMISE:
The art of dividing
a cake in such a way that
everybody believes
he got the biggest piece

TEARS:
The hydraulic force by which
masculine will power is
defeated by feminine water-power!

DICTIONARY:
A place where divorce comes
before marriage

CONFERENCE ROOM:
A place where everybody talks,
nobody listens
and everybody disagrees later on

ECSTASY:
A feeling when you feel
you are going to feel
a feeling
you have never felt before

CLASSIC:
A book
which people praise,
but never read

SMILE:
A curve
that can set
a lot of things straight!

OFFICE:
A place
where you can relax
after your strenuous
home life

YAWN:
The only time
when some married men
ever get to open
their mouth

ETC:
A sign
to make others believe
that you know
more than
you actually do

COMMITTEE:
Individuals
who can do
nothing individually
and sit to decide
that nothing can be done
together

EXPERIENCE:
The name
men give
to their
Mistakes

ATOM BOMB:
An invention
to bring an end
to all
inventions

PHILOSOPHER:
A fool
who torments himself
during life,
to be spoken of
when dead

DIPLOMAT:
A person
who tells you
to go to hell
in such a way
that you actually look forward
to the trip

OPPORTUNIST:
A person
who starts taking bath
if he
accidentally falls
into a river

OPTIMIST:
A person
who while falling
from EIFFEL TOWER
says in midway
“SEE I AM NOT INJURED YET!”

PESSIMIST:
A person
who says that
O is the last letter
in ZERO,
Instead of the first letter
in OPPORTUNITY

MISER:
A person
who lives poor
so that
he can die RICH!

FATHER:
A banker
provided by
nature

CRIMINAL:
A guy
no different
from the other,
unless he gets caught

BOSS:
Someone
who is early
when you are late
and late
when you are early

POLITICIAN:
One who
shakes your hand
before elections
and your Confidence
Later

DOCTOR:
A person
who kills
your ills
by pills,
and kills you

bajar band ha

Ek bar 3 andhe bus mein safar kar rahe the usme ek ki daye aankh se andha tha toh dusra baye ankh se andha tha toh tisra dono aankh se andha tha.

blindd.jpg

Raste mein ek bola, “yaar aaj toh idhar ka bajar bandh hai toh dusra bola yaar isko toh thik se dikai bhi nahi deta bajar idhar ka bandh hai.”

Toh bich mein baitha bola, “Tum log bhi na andhe ho chuke ho, dhikai nahi deta bajar pura bandh hai.”



by ranu

Humphty Dumphty

Original

Humphty Dumphty sat on a wall,
Humphty Dumphty had a great fall,
All the kings’ horses, all the kings’ men
Couldn’t put Humphty Dumphty
together again

20464060thm.jpg

Punjabi Translation:

Baba Karnail Singh baitha si Dukaan te’
Baba Karnail Singh diggya dhadam se, Pind de log phir
aa ke kehan lagge,
Baba Karnail Singh te gaya hun kaam se.

jokes by our readers



  • Doctor! I have a serious problem, I can never remember what i just said.
  • When did you first notice this problem?
    What problem? (Scott)

  • What is defference between man and Superman?
  • Man wears underwear under the trouser and superman wears it over the trouser. (Tejas Chachcha)

  • How do you know if your a red neck?
    You go to the family reunon to find a date! (Faithe Ainsworth)

  • Yo mamma so stupid, she tried to commit suicide by jumping out her basement window. (Kyle Burglie)

  • Yo mamma so fat, every time she turns around its her b-day!!! (Pisshead Bonehead)

  • Sam: Would you punish me for some thing i didn't do?
  • Teacher: no, of course not.
    Sam: good, because i didn't do my homework. (Scott)

  • What is green and smells?
  • Hulk's fart.
    (Azbar Kahleed)

  • Why did the elephant bring toilet paper to a party?
  • Becase he was a party pooper. (Briana)

  • You so short you have to look up to look down. (Crystal)

  • Yo mamma is so fat:
  • She eats Wheat Thicks.
    We're in her right now.
  • She was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for a new world.
  • She lay on the beach and people ran around saying, "FREE WILLY." (M.P. Monaghan)

  • Yo mamma so ugly when she was born, your mother said, "What a treasure!" and your father said, "Yea lets go bury it". (M. P. Monaghan)

  • Yo mamma so ugly, she got arrested for mooning when she looked out a window. (M. P. Monaghan)

  • How do you make a blonde's eyes sparkle?
  • Shine a torch into her ear...

  • How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
  • His lips are moving.

  • Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
  • Professional courtesy.

  • What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
  • Not enough sand.

  • Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
  • Take your foot off his head.

  • Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
  • No? Good!

  • What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit?
  • The bucket.

  • What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
  • A vampire only sucks blood at night.

  • Yo mama's so fat she had her ears pierced by harpoon.

  • Yo mama's so fat she needs a watch on both arms because she covers two time zones.

  • Yo mama's so fat she needs a hula hoop to keep up her socks.

  • Yo mama's so fat when she goes to a restaurant she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate.

  • Yo mama's so fat, she sets off car alarms when she runs.

  • Yo mama's so fat, when she fell in love she broke it.

  • How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
  • Two. One to change it, and another one to change it back again.

  • How many Conservative economists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
  • None. The invisible hand does it.

  • How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
  • None. If the light bulb really needed changing, market forces would have already caused it to happen.

  • Have you ever noticed... anybody going slower than you is an idiot. And anyone going faster is a maniac.
  • George Carlin

  • You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.
  • Ellen DeGeneris

  • I think men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They have experience pain and bought jewelry.
  • Rita Rudner

  • I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain.
  • Carol Leifer

  • I have a great diet. You are allowed to eat anything you want. But you must eat it with naked fat peple.
  • Ed Bluestone

  • I went into MacDonalds yesterday and said "I'd like some fries".
  • The girl at the counter said "Would you like some fries with that".
    Jay Leno

  • Why don't oysters give to charity?
  • Because they're shellfish.

  • What can you do in radiation-contaminated rivers?
  • Nuclear fission.

  • Why did the jazz musician like the wooden board?
  • Because it had a nice groove in it!

  • How can you tell if a redneck is married?
  • There is tobacco spit stains on BOTH sides of his pickup truck.


    I�m currently fasting to protest hunger strikes. Scott E. Roeben

    People like crowds. The bigger the crowd, the more people show up. Small crowd, hardly anybody shows up. -Gallagher

    I took a philosophy test that asked us to explain Nothingness. I left it blank. -Scott E. Roeben

    I heard that the idea for the patent was stolen. -Scott E. Roeben

    A hearty laugh gives one a dry cleaning, while a good cry is a wet wash. -Puzant Kevork Thomajan

    I�m tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That�s deep enough. What do you want �an adorable pancreas? Kerr, Jean

    Smoking kills. If you�re killed, you�ve lost a very important part of your life. -Brooke Shields

    Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning. -Rich Cook
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