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santa bante one liner

Teacher: what do u call a person who cannot hear anything? Santa: U can call him anything, because he cannot hear anything.		Santa standing on the scale, holding his stomach in. Jeeto: I don't think that is going to help. Santa: Sure it does. How else could I see the numbers?
Two goldfish in a bowl talking: Goldfish 1: Do you believe in God? Goldfish 2: Of course, I do! Who do you think changes the water?		Angry Santa to his son: Have you ever seen an owl? Pappu: (Luking down) No... Santa: Don't look down. Look at me.
Santa: I got married because I was tired of cooking, cleaning home and washing clothes. Banta: Amazing, I got divorce for the same reason.		2 Hijade ek shaadi ki badhai dene gaye. Haye haye main to 1100 lungi. Dusri Boli main to 2100 lungi. Peeche se Santa bola Abey 2310 le lo usme FM bhi hai!!!
Doctor asks Santa to give urine sample, stool & sperm sample for his yearly checkup. Santa: I’m in a hurry doc, can I leave my underwear!		Interviewer: What is skeleton? Santa: Skeleton is a person who started dieting but forgot to stop it..!!!
Jailor: Tumhe kal subah 5 baje phansi di jayegi. Sardar: Ha Ha Ha Ha! Jailor: Kyon has rahe ho? Sardar: Main to uthta hi subha 9 baje hoon!		Santa sent SMS to his BOSS: Me sick, no work. Boss SMS back: When I am sick I kiss my wife try it. Two hours later Santa sms 2 boss: Me ok, ur wife very sweet.
Santa ki chatri me hole tha, kisine pucha, umbrella mein hole kyu? Sardar bola: Oye barish ruk jayegi to pata kaise chalega.		Teacher: Translate - Bazaar mein goliyan chal rahi hain. Santa: The Tablets are walking in the market.

santa banta jokes collection

Santa: Tere result da ki banya? Pappu: Miss kendi aey es class wich ik saal hor laggay ga? Santa: Saal pavain 2,3 lag jawan par fail na hovin mera puttar.	Three friends after exam. Lucky: Yaar mujhey kuch nahi aata tha main paper khali chor aya hon. Banta: Main bhi! Santa: Shit yaar, teacher samjhe gi hum ne cheating ki hay.
Jeeto: Sharm ani chahiye, tumhare Preeto se sambhand hai. Santa: Sorry, par tumhe kaise pata chala? Jeeto: Kal Banta aya tha usne tumhara Underwear pahena hua tha.	Banta: When I get mad at u, u never fight back. How do u control ur anger? Preeto: I clean the toilet. Banta: How does that help? Preeto: I use ur toothbrush.
Jeeto: U know, husband & wife aren't allowed to be together in heaven! Santa: Yes, I do.That's why it's called heaven!	Santa had a dream in which someone murdered him. Next day he closed his bank account. Know why? Because the bank's slogan was: We make your dreams come true...
Banta: Wife agar husband ko naukar samjhe to husband ko kya karna chahiye? Santa: Zyada kuch nahi, do char ghar aur pakad lene chahiye.	Santa opened A College. Guess the Name of College? The Name of the the College was: WOMEN`S COLLEGE FOR BOYS
Pappu: Dad, what is an idiot? Santa: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can't understand him. Do you understand me? Pappu: No.	Santa aadhi raat ko apni moti bibi se bola k sisak sisak ke marna theek hai ya ek dum. Jeeto: Ek dum. Santa: To apni dusri tang bhi mujh per rakh do.
Santa aur Jeeto mein larai ho gayi, Santa ghar se chala gaya. Santa raat ko phone pay: Khanay mein kia hai? Jeeto: Zehar. Husb: Main dair se aaonga, tum kha kar so jana.	Santa found the answer to the most difficult question ever: What will come first, Chicken or egg? O Yaar, what ever U order first, will come first.

santa wife b day

Santa thought he had conquered his problem of trying to remember his wife's birthday and, also, their anniversary.

He opened an account with a florist, provided that florist with the dates and instructions to send flowers to Jeetoo on these dates along with an appropriate note signed, "Your loving husband."

Jeeto was thrilled by this new display of attention and all went well until one day, some bouquets later, when Santa came home, kissed her and said offhandedly, "Nice flowers, where'd you get them?"

dead men don't bleed.

Banta thought he was dead, but in reality he was very much alive. His delusion became such a problem that his family finally paid for him to see a psychiatrist.

The psychiatrist spent many laborious sessions trying to convince Banta that he is still alive. Nothing seemed to work.

Finally the doctor tried one last approach. He took out his medical books and proceeded to show Banta that dead men don't bleed. After hours of tedious study, Banta seemed convinced that dead men don't bleed.

"Do you now agree that dead men don't bleed?" the doctor asked.

"Yes, I do," Banta replied.

"Very well, then," the doctor said.

He took out a pin and pricked the patient's finger. Out came a trickle of blood.

The doctor asked, "What does that tell you?"

"Oh my goodness!" Banta exclaimed as he stared incredulously at his finger ... "Dead men do bleed!!"

santa bitten by snake

Santa and Banta were hiking in the woods when Santa is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake.

"I'll go into town for a doctor," Banta says.

He runs 10 miles to a small town and finds the town's only doctor, who is busy delivering a baby.

"I can't leave," the doctor says. "But here's what to do. Take a knife, cut a little 'x' where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground."

Banta runs back to his friend, who is in agony.

"What did the doctor say?" Santa asks.

"He says you're gonna die."