Santa: U can call him anything, because he cannot hear anything. | Jeeto: I don't think that is going to help. Santa: Sure it does. How else could I see the numbers? | |
Goldfish 2: Of course, I do! Who do you think changes the water? | Pappu: (Luking down) No... Santa: Don't look down. Look at me. | |
Banta: Amazing, I got divorce for the same reason. | Haye haye main to 1100 lungi. Dusri Boli main to 2100 lungi. Peeche se Santa bola Abey 2310 le lo usme FM bhi hai!!! | |
Santa: I’m in a hurry doc, can I leave my underwear! | Santa: Skeleton is a person who started dieting but forgot to stop it..!!! | |
Sardar: Ha Ha Ha Ha! Jailor: Kyon has rahe ho? Sardar: Main to uthta hi subha 9 baje hoon! | Boss SMS back: When I am sick I kiss my wife try it. Two hours later Santa sms 2 boss: Me ok, ur wife very sweet. | |
Sardar bola: Oye barish ruk jayegi to pata kaise chalega. | Santa: The Tablets are walking in the market. | |
santa bante one liner
santa banta jokes collection
Pappu: Miss kendi aey es class wich ik saal hor laggay ga? Santa: Saal pavain 2,3 lag jawan par fail na hovin mera puttar. | Lucky: Yaar mujhey kuch nahi aata tha main paper khali chor aya hon. Banta: Main bhi! Santa: Shit yaar, teacher samjhe gi hum ne cheating ki hay. |
Santa: Sorry, par tumhe kaise pata chala? Jeeto: Kal Banta aya tha usne tumhara Underwear pahena hua tha. | Preeto: I clean the toilet. Banta: How does that help? Preeto: I use ur toothbrush. |
Santa: Yes, I do.That's why it's called heaven! | Because the bank's slogan was: We make your dreams come true... |
Santa: Zyada kuch nahi, do char ghar aur pakad lene chahiye. | The Name of the the College was: WOMEN`S COLLEGE FOR BOYS |
Santa: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can't understand him. Do you understand me? Pappu: No. | Jeeto: Ek dum. Santa: To apni dusri tang bhi mujh per rakh do. |
Santa raat ko phone pay: Khanay mein kia hai? Jeeto: Zehar. Husb: Main dair se aaonga, tum kha kar so jana. | O Yaar, what ever U order first, will come first. |
santa wife b day
Santa thought he had conquered his problem of trying to remember his wife's birthday and, also, their anniversary.
He opened an account with a florist, provided that florist with the dates and instructions to send flowers to Jeetoo on these dates along with an appropriate note signed, "Your loving husband."
Jeeto was thrilled by this new display of attention and all went well until one day, some bouquets later, when Santa came home, kissed her and said offhandedly, "Nice flowers, where'd you get them?"
He opened an account with a florist, provided that florist with the dates and instructions to send flowers to Jeetoo on these dates along with an appropriate note signed, "Your loving husband."
Jeeto was thrilled by this new display of attention and all went well until one day, some bouquets later, when Santa came home, kissed her and said offhandedly, "Nice flowers, where'd you get them?"
dead men don't bleed.
Banta thought he was dead, but in reality he was very much alive. His delusion became such a problem that his family finally paid for him to see a psychiatrist.
The psychiatrist spent many laborious sessions trying to convince Banta that he is still alive. Nothing seemed to work.
Finally the doctor tried one last approach. He took out his medical books and proceeded to show Banta that dead men don't bleed. After hours of tedious study, Banta seemed convinced that dead men don't bleed.
"Do you now agree that dead men don't bleed?" the doctor asked.
"Yes, I do," Banta replied.
"Very well, then," the doctor said.
He took out a pin and pricked the patient's finger. Out came a trickle of blood.
The doctor asked, "What does that tell you?"
"Oh my goodness!" Banta exclaimed as he stared incredulously at his finger ... "Dead men do bleed!!"
The psychiatrist spent many laborious sessions trying to convince Banta that he is still alive. Nothing seemed to work.
Finally the doctor tried one last approach. He took out his medical books and proceeded to show Banta that dead men don't bleed. After hours of tedious study, Banta seemed convinced that dead men don't bleed.
"Do you now agree that dead men don't bleed?" the doctor asked.
"Yes, I do," Banta replied.
"Very well, then," the doctor said.
He took out a pin and pricked the patient's finger. Out came a trickle of blood.
The doctor asked, "What does that tell you?"
"Oh my goodness!" Banta exclaimed as he stared incredulously at his finger ... "Dead men do bleed!!"
santa bitten by snake
Santa and Banta were hiking in the woods when Santa is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake.
"I'll go into town for a doctor," Banta says.
He runs 10 miles to a small town and finds the town's only doctor, who is busy delivering a baby.
"I can't leave," the doctor says. "But here's what to do. Take a knife, cut a little 'x' where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground."
Banta runs back to his friend, who is in agony.
"What did the doctor say?" Santa asks.
"He says you're gonna die."
"I'll go into town for a doctor," Banta says.
He runs 10 miles to a small town and finds the town's only doctor, who is busy delivering a baby.
"I can't leave," the doctor says. "But here's what to do. Take a knife, cut a little 'x' where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground."
Banta runs back to his friend, who is in agony.
"What did the doctor say?" Santa asks.
"He says you're gonna die."
santa banta married life
Once Banta asked Santa, "What is the secret behind your happy married life?"
Santa said, "You should share responsibilities with due love and respect to each other. Then absolutely there will be no problems."
Banta asked, "Can you explain?"
Santa said, "In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues where as my wife decides on smaller issues. We do not interfere in each other's decisions."
Still not convinced, Banta asked, "Give me some examples" Santa said, "Smaller issues like which car we should buy, how much amount to save, when to visit home town, which Sofa, air conditioner, refrigerator to buy, monthly expenses, whether to keep a maid or not etc are decided by my wife. I just agree to it"
Banta asked, "Then what is your role?"
Santa said, "My decisions are only for very big issues. Like whether America should attack Iraq, whether Britain should lift sanction over Zimbabwe, whether to widen African economy, whether Sachin Tendulkar should retire etc. Do you know one thing, my wife NEVER objects to any of these".
Santa said, "You should share responsibilities with due love and respect to each other. Then absolutely there will be no problems."
Banta asked, "Can you explain?"
Santa said, "In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues where as my wife decides on smaller issues. We do not interfere in each other's decisions."
Still not convinced, Banta asked, "Give me some examples" Santa said, "Smaller issues like which car we should buy, how much amount to save, when to visit home town, which Sofa, air conditioner, refrigerator to buy, monthly expenses, whether to keep a maid or not etc are decided by my wife. I just agree to it"
Banta asked, "Then what is your role?"
Santa said, "My decisions are only for very big issues. Like whether America should attack Iraq, whether Britain should lift sanction over Zimbabwe, whether to widen African economy, whether Sachin Tendulkar should retire etc. Do you know one thing, my wife NEVER objects to any of these".
bank detail
A girl proposed a boy but the boy does not respond to her. After many days suddenly the boy called the girl and asks to meet him as he like her very much.
The girl became confused and asked the boy, “What Happened ? After so many days you accepted my proposal.”
The boy replied, “Today your father came to our bank and opened a new account, so I did not delay!!
speech of new girl
A newly wed girl was being welcomed at the husband’s home in a traditional manner.
She was asked to give a little speech. She addressed as follows:
“My dear family members, I thank you for welcoming me in my new home and family”, she said “Firstly, with my presence I would not want to create any inconveniences by my being here. I mean that I don’t want you all to change your way of life, your routine.”
“What do you mean my child?” asked the patriarch of the family.
What I mean dad is:
Those who used to wash dishes must carry on washing them.
Those who used to do the laundry must carry on doing it.
Those who cooked shouldn’t stop on my account.
Those who used to clean should clean.
As for me, I am here just to control your son!
dump kid
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his Customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”
The barber puts a dollar in one hand and two quarters in the other,
then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?”
The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
“What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!”
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar?”
The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game’s over!”
brotherly love
Teacher asked to a student, “If you see a man beating his donkey and you go to stop him, what virtue would you be showing?”
The student replied, “Brotherly Love.”
bad conductor
A man is working on the buses in the US collecting tickets.
He rings the bell for the driver to set off when there’s a woman half getting on the bus. The driver sets off, the woman falls from the bus and is killed. At the trial the man is sent down for murder and seeing as it’s Texas he’s sent to the electric chair.
On the day of his execution he’s sat in the chair and the executioner grants him a final wish.
shadi nahi kar sakta
Boyfriend to Girlfriend: Darling main tumse shaadi nahi kar sakta gharwale mana karrahe hai.
Girlfriend: Tumhare ghar mein kaun kaun hai?
Boyfriend: Ek biwi aur 3 bacche…
Funny Furneal
A family was puzzled when the coffin of their dead mother arrived from the US . It was sent by one of the daughters.
The dead body was very tightly squeezed inside the coffin, with no space left in it when they opened the lid they found a letter on top addressed to her brothers and sisters:
Dear Chandrakantbhai, Arvindbhai, Smitaben and Varsha,
I am sending mothers body to you, since it was her wish that she should be cremated in the compound of our ancestral home.
Sorry, I could not come along as all of my paid leave is consumed.
You will find inside the coffin, under her body, cans of cheese, 10 packets of Tobler chocolates and 8 packets of Badam (peanuts) please divide these among all of you.
On her feet you will find a new pair of Reebok shoes (size 10) for Mohan. There are also 2 pairs of shoes for Radha’s and Lakshmi’s sons. Hope the sizes are correct.
She(dead mother) is wearing 6 American T-Shirts. The large size is for Mohan.
Just distribute the rest among yourselves.
The 2 new Jeans that she is wearing are for the boys. The Swiss watch that Reema wanted is on her left wrist.
Shanta masi, she is wearing the necklace, earrings and ring that you asked for. Please take them off her.
The 6 white cotton socks she is wearing must be divided among my nephews. Please distribute all these fairly.
PS : If anything more required let me know soon as Bapuji is also not feeling too well now a days..
