lalu appointement

Laloo Prasad sent his Bio Data to apply for a post in Microsoft Corporation, USA. A few days later he got this reply:

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,

You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained.

Thanks,

Bill Gates.

Laloo prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply.

He arranged a press conference: “Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki hum ko Amereeca mein naukri mil gayee hai.”

Everyone was delighted. Laloo prasad continued… “Ab hum aap sab ko apnaa appointment letter padhkar sunaongaa. Par letter angreeze main hai - isliyen saath-saath Hindi main translate bhee karoonga.

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad
- Pyare Laloo prasad bhaiyya

You do not meet
- Aap to miltay hee naheen ho

Our requirement
- Humko to zaroorat hai

Please do not send any furthur correspondance
- Ab Letter vetter bhejne ka kaouno zaroorat nahee

No phone call
- Phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai

Shall be entertained
- Bahut khaatir kee jayegi.

Thanks
- Aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyavad

Bill Gates
- Tohar Bilva

political joke

Bush: Tujhe swimming aati hai?
Laaloo: No!

Bush:Tere se kutta acha hai jo swim kar leta hai.
Laaloo: Tujhe aati hai?

Bush:Haan!
Laaloo: Fir tere mein aur kutte mein kya farak hai…

Laloo to his P.A.: Itne khiladi kyun football ko laat maar rahe hai?

P.A.: Goal kar ne k liye.

Laloo: Susra, ball toh pahle se hi gol hai aur kitna gol karenge!

Mr .Laloo Prasad Yadav was sitting with his Ministers examining mail.

Suddenly Mr. Laloo cried out, “Look at this letter! It is addressed to the stupidest man in Bihar”.

His ministers tried to calm him by saying, “How dare a man address such a letter to you?”

Mr. Laloo replied sadly, “This does not bother me, but why did the postman deliver it at the right address?”

Once Laloo was coming out of airport.

As there was huge rush the security guard told Laloo “WAIT SIR“…

For which Laloo replied “65Kgs” and moved on…

mayawati joke

Mayavati expels her maid from work.

Maid throws some coins towards Mayavati's family dog.

Mayavati the reason

Maid: I never forget a friend. This was because of helping me clean the dishes all the time.

ajaab gaaajab joke

Musharraf: Jab main paida hua tha to military valon ne 51 topen chalai.
Santa: Kamal hai, sabka nishana chook gaya?

Ek train bohot time baad chali.

Muslim kehta: Ya Ali bla tali.

Hindu kehta: Jai Bajrang Bali.

Sikh kehta: Arre Ali aur Bali, train apni nahi, saath vali chali !!!

Angry boss: Tumne kabhi ullu dekha hai?

Man: (sar jhuka ke) Nahi sir

Boss: Neeche kya dekh rahe ho? Meri taraf dekho.

A newly married girl got first class in B.Ed.

Her excited husband sent SMS to his father-in-law: Your daughter is first class in Bed.

2 men sitting in a kabristan were talking.
One said: Yeh murde bare aram se apni kabron mein sote hain.

Sare murde uth khare hue aur bole: Kiyun na soye, yeh jaga apni jaan de ke hasil kee hai..

Ik aadmi kabar ke oopar baitha tha. Musafir ne poocha dar nahi lagta?

Aadmi: Darne ki kya baat hai, andar garmi bohot thi thori der ke liye kabar se bahar aaya hoon.

simply joke

Baap: Beta maine tere liye ek ladki dekhi hai, Vo Roopvati, Gunvati, or Sarasvati hai.
Beta: Lekin papa mein kisi or se pyar karta hoon or vo.. Garbhvati hai.



Beggar: Saab 12Rs do na coffee peeni hai.
Man: Lekin coffee to 6Rs ki hai?
Beggar: Par saab girlfrend bhi to hai.
Man: Bhikari hokar bhi GF banali.
Beggar: Na saab,GF ne Bhikari bana diya!



Ek ladka ladki dekhne gaya...

Both are in a room for 10 minutes to talk each other...

Ladki (Darte hue) : Bhaiya aap kitne bhai bahen hain?

Ladka : Abhi tak to 3 the..lekin ab 4 ho gaye.



Wife: kaash main newspaper hoti dinbhar tumhare hathon me rehti
Hus: meri bhi yahi dua hai rab se issi bahane her din nayi nayi to milti.


boy- lagta hai hum dono ek sath nhi rah sakte
girl- kya mere papa se mile the
boy- nhi mai tumhari choti bhen se mila tha

jokes in hinglish means hindi +english

Train mein TT Sadhu se bola : Kahan jana hai?
Sadhu : Jahan Ram ka janam hua tha.
TT : Ticket hai?

Sadhu : Nahin
TT : Chalo
Sadhu : Kahan?
TT : Jahan Krishan ka janam hua tha.. Jail mei

Ek pathan Cycle chalate aur gungunate howe kahin ja raha tha rastae mein ek aurat se takra betha.

Aurat chilla kar boli, “Break nahi maar sakte they kya ???”

Pathan herat se… “Pora cycle mar deya abhi break mar kar kia faida.”

A donkey kicked sardar & ran away, sardar ran to catch the donkey.

He saw a zebra and started beating it and said, ‘Sala tracksuit pahan ke dhoka de raha hai’.

Rabri : Ka karat ho?
Laalu : Ek dost ko chitthi likhat hu!

Rabri : Par tuhar likhna to aawe nahi.
Laalu : Vo sasura bhi to padhna nahi jaanat.

Sardar : What is the name of your car?

Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with “T”.
Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaara gaadi petrol se start hoti hai.

santa banta hilarious jokes

Banta went to the emergency room with the tip of his index finger blown off.

“How did this happen?” the doctor asked.

“Well I was trying to commit suicide,” Banta replied.

The doctor asked, “Trying to commit suicide by shooting your finger?”

“No, silly! First I put the gun on my head and I thought my face would look horrible, then I put it in my mouth and I thought I just paid Rs. 1,000 to get my teeth straightened. So then I put the gun in my ear and I thought this is going to make a loud noise, so I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger.“

Banta called his friend Santa and told him that he recently met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do?

Santa said, “Send her some flowers and a card and invite her for a home-cooked meal.”

Banta liked the idea, so he invited the woman of his dreams.

The day after the meal Santa calls Banta and asks about the meal.
Banta: “It was a flop idea.”

Santa: Didn’t the girl come to your house?

Banta: She did, but she refused to cook!!

Banta class mein - madam maine “abc” yaad karli..
Madam -ok , to sunao..

Banta - abcdefghijklemnopqrstuvwxyz…..
Madam - arey aise nahi ….aise suna A for apple

Banta - ok madam…. A for apple.

B for bada apple.
C for chhota apple.
D for dusra apple.
E for ek aur apple.
F for fokat ka apple.
G for gol apple.

H for hazar apple
I for itney saarey apple?
J for jaao nahi khaani hai apple
K for kaise nahi khaayengey apple
L for lena padhega tumko apple
M for mujhe nahi chahiye itne apple
N for naa nahi kehtey kyunkey yeh hai apple
O for Oh to tumne khaa daale yeh saare apple
P for peth bhar khaao apple
Q for qismat mein nahi hoti hai sabke, yeh apple
R for roz agar khaao tum apple
S for sehetmand rahoge khaaogey agar tum apple
T for tumko nahi milengey itney achey apple
U for udhaar kii nahi hai yeh apple

V for very tasty hai yeh apple
W for waste na karo time aur khaalo jaldi se apple
X for X’mas mei bhii Hi! khana padenge apple
Y for yun na chehra phero dekhkey apple
Z for zaraasa aur khaalo apple aur………..

love and cute sms

Tumhara dukh hum seh nahi sakte,
Bhari mehfil mein kuch keh nahi sakte,
Hamare girte hue aansuo ko pad kar dekho,
Woh bhi kehte hai ke hum aapke bin reh nahi sakte.




Woh karib na aaye toh izhar kya karte,
Khud bane nishana toh shikar kya karte,
Mar gaye par khuli rahi aankhe,
Iss se jayada hum kisi ka intezar kya karte.




Maine hi kuch na samjha meri hi thi khatayen,
Woh dil ki dhadkano se deti rahi sadaayen,
Umra bhar tadapne ki saja di humein jisne,
Uss bewaffa ko yaroon kaise bhala bhulayen.




Mohabbaton mein zara si kasak zaroori hai
Shikayaton ke gulon ki mahek zaroori hai
Koi sawal karoon main tumse toh naaraz mat hona jaan
Kyun ki sachche pyaar mein thoda sa shak zaroori hai





Daman bacha na pyaar hi paya,
Usne mohabbat ko ek daag lagaya,
Khuda kisi ko na bakshe yeh tarana,
Pagal ho jata hai banda sayana.




Yeh wafa ka sila hai toh koi baat nahi,
Yeh dard tum ne diya hai toh koi baat nahi,
Yeh bahot hai ke dekhte ho sahil se,
Safina dubraha hai to koi baat nahi.

short sms

Boy : Jaan-e-man… ees dil me aaja na!

Girl : Sandal nikalu kya?

Boy : Pagli, yeh mandir nahi… aise hi aaja!!

Bhola: Itne kum marks? Do thappad marne chahiye.

Pappu: Haan papa, chalo maine oos master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai.

Santa to Shopkeeper: - Mujhe India ka flag dikhao.

Shopkeeper ne flag dikhaya,
Santa: - Isme aur colour dikhao.

SOME FUNNY LONG MESSAGES

Ek aadmi ne ek gawar naukar rakh liya aur usse samjhaya ki kissi ke naam lene se pahle JEE laga diya kare.

Thori der baad naukar bhagta hua aya aur bola…

“sahebji sahebji kutteji’ne murgi’ji ko pakar liya hai.”

In a remote village of India, once Masterji is teaching the Mahabharat katha to class 6 students. He is at the ‘Krishna janma’ part of it.

Masterji : “Kansa heard the akashwani that his sister’s 8th child is going to kill him. He was furious. He ordered to put Vasudev and Devki behind the bars. First son is born, and kansa kills him by poisoning… Second one is born n Kansa throws him off the mountain peak. Third one is born…

Ramu : I have a doubt (sounding nervous and confused).

Masterji : “Ramu bete, whole India does not have doubt in Mahabharata then how come you have one?”

Ramu : Masterji, if Kansa knew that Devaki’s 8th child was going to Kill him, “Why the hell did he put Vasudev and Devaki in the same cell?”

Ek aadmi apne dost ki kabar par phool daal raha hota hai.

Aur brabar mein bhi, ek aadmi apne dost ki kabar par chawal daal raha
hota hai.

Pehla aadmi doosre se kehta hai, “Ye tumhara dost phool sunghne kab uthe ga?”

Doosra aadmi, “Jab tumhara dost chawal khane uthe ga.”

Girl : If you will try to kiss me main shor macha dungi

Boy : Lekin yahan to dur tak koi nahi hai.
Girl : I know per formality to karni hi padegi.

Wife: Aji suniye, mujhe kisi mehengi jaga le ke chaliye na ji….

Husband: Chalo, tayyar ho jao…

Guess where he took her….
………
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Petrol pump!!!

short 100 to 200 words sms

Who was the 1st Indi

an
woman 2 fly abroad?

********
********
********
Sitaji with Raavan.







Man goes 2 medical shop
Man-I need poison
Shopkeeper-I cant sell u
(MAn shows
his wife's Photo)
Shopkeeper- Oh! Sorry!
didnt know
u had a prescription!




For a Pepsi-
Shahrukh Khan,
4 a Fanta-
Rani Mukherjee,
4 a Coke- Aamir Khan,
4 a Thumps up-
Salman Khan,
Chinta mat kar Yaar
Kanche Waali bottle teri




The boy fell in love with
a girl at
second sight
because in first sight
he didnt know that
she was very rich




God made man and
then rested
God made woman and
then no one rested




Aim for the stars
but first aim for their
bodyguards




What is the
thinnest book in the
world?
What Men know
about Women




How Dogs and Women
are alike
Neither believe that
silence is golden
Neither can balance
a checkbook
Both put too much value
on kissing




What is the difference
betwwen a woman and a magnet?
Magnets have a
positive side!




Hello I am a virus and
I am entering your brain
right now.....
sorry,
I will leave,
I cant find a brain!




One out of
four people is a Chinese
if your father,
your mother and
your brother are not
Chinese it must be you




This cat,is cat,a cat
good cat, way cat,
to cat, keep cat, a cat,
idiot cat, busy cat,
for cat, 20 cat, seconds cat!
Now read it all without the
word cat!




Those beautiful eyes,
that incredible body,
such a brain
a sexy mouth
nice smile....but that is
enough about me,
tell me how you are ?




Someday u may lose
ur hair
u may lose ur teeth
ur money & even lose
ur mind
but 1 thing u will
never loose is
ur good looks
coz u can't lose wat
u dont have !




If you delete this scrap
thats bcoz
u love me
if u save it thats bcoz
u desire me &
if u ignore it thats becoz
u miss me
so what u gonna do
with it?




Why do u think
I scrap u?
Is it because I care?
Or I miss u?
Or I love u ?
Or I need you?
No! its becoz
I need a person for just
TIME PASS




Niche jaao aur jito
PAISE HI PAISE
..........
or niche
..........
or niche
..........
YAKIN nahin aata
"TUM" paiso k liye
itna niche gir sakte ho




Great people talk
abt ideas,
average people talk
abt things
small people talk
abt other people
and the LEGENDS
never talk they just
send scraps like this!!!