for ur frnd sms

If kisses were water, I will give u sea. If hugs were leaves, I will give u a tree.If u luv a planet, I will give u a galaxy, if friendship is life I will give u mine.

People live People die People Laugh People Cry Some give up Some will try Some say hi Some say bye Others may forget YOU but never will I.

If I were to be anything in this world…. I’d be ur tears!!!… So, I can be conceived in ur heart, born in ur eyes, live on ur cheeks & die on ur lips!!!!!

If u r a chocolate ur the sweetest, if u r a Teddy Bear u r the most huggable, If u are a Star u r the Brightest, and since u r my “FRIEND” u r the “BEST”!!!!!!!!!

A special friend is rare indeed, it beems to be special breed, yes, perfect friends r very few, so lucky I m for having you.

They say it takes a minute 2 fine a special person, an hour 2 appreciate them, a day 2 love them, but then an entire life 2 forget them.

When God opened the window of the Heaven He asked me: What is your wish for today? “I said : please take special care of the person reading this!!!!!!!”

Time might lead me to nowhere and faith might break into pieces but I will always be THANKFUL that once in my life’s journey we became FRIENDS!

It takes half our life to find true friends & half of it keeping them. I am lucky to have spent less than half my life finding you & wish to

friendship sms

Flowers need sunshine, violets need dew, all angels in heaven know I need u. years may fly, tears may dry, but my friendship with u will never die.

One day u will ask me: What is more important to you, me or your life? I will say: my life… You will walk away from me without knowing that U R MY LIFE!!!

Feel good when somebody Miss u. Feel better when somebody Loves u. But feel best when somebody never forgets u.

A friend is sweet when its new….but it is sweeter when its TRUE! But u know what? Its sweetest when its you.

A friend gives hope when life is low, a friend is a place when you have nowhere to go, a friend is honest, a friend is true. A friend is precious a friend is u.

new type of addition and may more

A boy was teaching a girl arithmetic, he said, it was his mission.

He kissed her once; he kissed her twice and said, “Now that’s addition.”

In silent satisfaction, she sweetly gave the kisses back and said, “Now that’s subtraction.”

boy and girl

Then he kissed her, she kissed him, without an explanation.

And both together smiled and said, “That’s multiplication.”

Then her Dad appeared upon the scene and made a quick decision.

He kicked that boy three blocks away and said, “That’s long division!”

goverment dog

Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs were.

One man was an engineer, the second man was an accountant, the third man was a chemist, and the fourth was a government worker.

To show off, the engineer called to his dog. “T-square, do your stuff.” T-square trotted over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen, and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.

Everyone agreed that that that was pretty smart.

The accountant said that his dog could do better. He called to his dog and said,”Spreadsheet, do your stuff.” Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies.He divided them into four equal piles of three cookies each.

Everyone agreed that that was good.

The chemist said that his dog could do better still.he called to his dog and said, “Measure, do your stuff.” Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a ten-ounce glass from the cupboard, and poured exactly eight ounces without spilling a drop.

Everyone agreed that that was pretty impressive.

Then the three men turned to the government worker and said, “What can your dog do?”

The government worker called to his dog and said, “Coffee Break, do your stuff.” Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, claimed he had injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for worker’ compensation, and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.

They all agreed that that was brilliant!

i am going

Santa: I am going ka matlab batao.

Banta: Main ja raha hoon.

Santa: Main nahi jane dunga, pehle matlab bata.

mr santa singh

Have you heard of Mr. Santa Singh applying to a medical school to become a doctor

Needless to say he never made it. You know why?

These are the answers he wrote in his entrance exam.

Antibody - Against everyone
Artery - The study of the paintings.

Bacteria - Back door to a cafeteria.

Caesarean section - A district in Rome.
Cardiology - Advance study of poker playing.
Cat scan - Searching for lost kitty.
Chronic - Neck of a crow.
coma - Punctuation mark.
Cortisone - Area around local court.
cyst - Short for sister.

Diagnosis - Person with slanted nose.
Dilate - The late British Princess Diana.
Dislocation - In this place.
Duodenum - Couple in blue jeans.

Enema - Not a friend.

Fake labour - Pretending to work.

Genes - Blue denim.

Hernia - She is close by.

Impotent - Distinguished/well known.

Labor pain - Hurt at work.
Lactose - People without toes.
Lymph - Walk unsteadily.

Microbes - Small dressing gown.

Obesity - City of Obe.

Pacemaker - Winner of Nobel peace prize.
Proteins - In favor of teens
Pulse - Grain.
Pus - Small cat.

Red blood count - Dracula.

Secretion - Hiding anything.

Tablet - Small table.

Ultrasound - Radical noise

dont believe in genie

A couple was golfing one day on a Very Exclusive golf course lined with million dollar houses. On the third tee, the husband said, “Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball, do not knock out any windows. It will cost us a fortune to fix.”

The wife teed up and shanked it right through the window of the biggest house on the course.

The husband cringed and said, “I told you to watch out for the houses. All right, let’s go up there, apologize and see how much it’s going to cost us.”

They walked up and knocked on the door, and heard a voice say, “Come on in.”

When they opened the door they saw glass all over the place and a broken bottle lying on its side in the foyer. A man on the couch said, “Are you the people that broke the window?”

“Uh yeah, sorry about that” the husband replied.

“No, actually I want to thank you. I am a genie that was trapped for a thousand years in that bottle. You have released me. I am allowed to grant three wishes - I will give you each one wish, and I will keep the last one for myself.” the genie said.

“OK” the husband said. “I want a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.”

“No problem-it is the least I can do. And you, what do you want?” the genie said looking at the wife.

“I want a house in every country of the world” she said.

“Consider it done.” the genie said.

“And what is your wish, genie?” the husband said, “Well, since I have not had love with a woman in a thousand years, my wish is to sleep with your wife.”

The husband looks at the wife and said, “Well, we did get a lot of money and all those houses, honey. I guess I would not mind.”

The genie took the wife upstairs and ravished her for two hours. After it was all over, the genie rolled over, looked at the wife and said, “How old is your husband anyway?”

“35″ she said.

“Really? And he still believes in genies !!!!!!!!!

bajar band ha

Ek bar 3 andhe bus mein safar kar rahe the usme ek ki daye aankh se andha tha toh dusra baye ankh se andha tha toh tisra dono aankh se andha tha.

Raste mein ek bola, “yaar aaj toh idhar ka bajar bandh hai toh dusra bola yaar isko toh thik se dikai bhi nahi deta bajar idhar ka bandh hai.”

Toh bich mein baitha bola, “Tum log bhi na andhe ho chuke ho, dhikai nahi deta bajar pura bandh hai.”

by ranu

nahi judge sahab

Ek din adaalat mein judge ne ek mujrim ko sajaa sunaate huye kaha, “Iske dono kaan kaat liye jaye.”

Mujrim ne bahoot bhaye ke saath kaha, “Rahem karo my baap, kaan kaat lenge toh main andha ho jaonga.”

Judge ne ascharya se poocha kaan kaatne se andhe kaise hoge, mujrim ne kaha “My baap kaan kaat lenge toh main chashma kahan lagaunga.”

foohl men

Teen aadmi ek ganja, doosra langra, tisra andha jo road paar kar rahe thay ki ek bus ka guzarna hua toh pehla aadmi bola, “Abe sala kaun tha jo mere balon ki setting hi bigad di.”

Doosra bola: “Ruk-ruk abhi sale ko pakadta hun.”

Tisra bola: “Koi baat nahi chhodo maine already uska number note kar liya hai.”

does ur dogs bite

A man was sitting near a dog. Another man appeared there and asked the first man Does your dog bites?

Man: No

The second man sits and the dog bites him!

Second man angrily: “You said it does not bites!”

Man: “This is not my dog.”

signs mean

Sign on a railway station at Patna:
Aana free, jaana free,
Pakde gaye to khana free.

Seen on a famous beauty parlor in Bombay:
Don’t whistle at the girl going out from here.
She may be your grandmother!

Seen on a bulletin board:
Success is relative
More the success, more the relatives.

Sign at a barber’s saloon in Juhu, Bombay:
We need your heads to run our business.

A traffic slogan:
Don’t let your kids drive if they are not old enough
or else they never will be.

THE BEST ONE:

Its God’s responsibility to forgive the terrorist organizations
It’s our responsibility to arrange the meeting between them and god.
- Indian Armed Forces

soldier

First soldier : “Pass me the chocolate pudding, would you?”

Second soldier : “No way, Jose!”

First soldier : “Why not?”

Second soldier : “It’s against regulations to help another soldier to dessert!”

General McKenzie was in charge of the Navy and he was visiting his colleague General Marshall, who was in charge of the Army. McKenzie arrives at the military and is greeted by Marshall. They both walk around the place, and McKenzie asks: “So how are your men?”

“Very well trained, Gral. McKenzie.“

“I hope so. You see, my men over at the Navy are so well trained, you could see they’re the bravest men all over the country.” “Well, my men are very brave, too.”

“I’d like to see that.”

Sorry for that!

Ek angrez ek gaun mein ja raha tha ke raaste mein achanak ek aurat se takra gaya.
Aur usne aurat se mafi magne ki soch karli:

Angrez: Sorry for that!

Aurat: Sala ek toh takrata hai aur upar se bolta hai saree phar de!

Monkey: “Handling the steering !!!”

Once a plane crashed somewhere in the mountains, only a monkey who was traveling in the plane was left alive.

Fortunately the monkey was intelligent enough to understand English and reply. The officials went to see the monkey in the hospital and had a talk with the monkey.

Officer: “When the plane took off what were the travelers doing?”
Monkey: “Tying their belts”

Officer: “What were the air hostesses doing?”
Monkey: “Saying Hello! Good morning!”

Officer: “What were the pilots doing?”
Monkey: “Checking the system”

Officer: “What were you doing?”
Monkey: “Looking for my people”

Officer: “After 10 minutes what were the travelers doing?”
Monkey: “Having beverages and snacks”

Officer: “What were the air hostesses doing?”
Monkey: “Serving the travelers”

Officer: “What were the Pilots doing?”
Monkey: “Handling the steering”

Officer: “What were you doing?”
Monkey: “Eating & throwing”

Officer: “After 30 minutes what were the travelers doing?”
Monkey: “Some were sleeping and some were reading”

Officer: “What were the air hostesses ?”
Monkey: “Make up”

Officer: “What were the pilots doing?”
Monkey: “Handling the steering”

Officer: “What were you doing?”
Monkey: “Nothing”

Officer: “Just before plane crash what were the travelers doing?”
Monkey: “All were sleeping”

Officer: “What were the air hostesses doing?”
Monkey: “Kissing the pilots”

Officer: “What were the pilots doing?”
Monkey: “Responding”

Officer: “What were you doing?”
Monkey: “Handling the steering !!!”

Humphty Dumphty

Original

Humphty Dumphty sat on a wall,
Humphty Dumphty had a great fall,
All the kings’ horses, all the kings’ men
Couldn’t put Humphty Dumphty
together again

Punjabi Translation:

Baba Karnail Singh baitha si Dukaan te’
Baba Karnail Singh diggya dhadam se, Pind de log phir
aa ke kehan lagge,
Baba Karnail Singh te gaya hun kaam se.

Tohara Dost..

Are o friendwa, tohar smswa ka intejar ma hum mubilewa hath me liye 1 ghantae se baitha hun.Tanik idhar bhi dhayan dai diyo our ekad msgwa bhijwai do..Tohara Dost..

Husband asks, Do you know the meaning of WIFE.
It means...Without Information Fighting Everytime!
WIFE satys No, it means -
With Idiot for Ever.

anniversary

Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes..!!

6 things

In our life time 6 things can come at any time:
1.love
2.friendship
3.money
4.death
5.illness
-
-
-
6.susu: isliye karke sona .good night

hathi

Once three cheentees were sitting.
Just then a haathi passed by.
‘Oye haathi’, said a cheethi ‘Mujhse kushti ladega’
Other cheethis said’Chod yaar bechara akela hai!’

cartoon

Hum dua karte hai khudase ke
Wo aap jaisa dost aur na banaye,
Ek hi cartoon jaisi chiz hai hamare paas
Kahin wo bhi common na ho jaye…

wah wah

when you breathe, you respire!
WAH WAH
when you breathe, you respire!
wah wah
when you dont breathe,you expire!
wah wah kya baat hai.

pyar

Usne mujhe pyar diya saraswati samajhkar,
Usne mujhe pyar diya saraswati samajhkar,
Par maine usko jala diya agarbatti samajhkar…

lamha lamha

Lamha Lamha waqt guzar jayega…
Chand lamhon mein exam aa jayega…
Abhi bhi waqt hai, do line padh lo…
Warna pass kya MUNNA BHAI karvayega??

dosti

Aanssu tere nikle aankhen meri ho,
Dil tera Dhadke to dhadkan meri ho,
Dosti hamari itni gehri ho ki,
Job tum karo aur Salary meri ho.

style

Aap ke haath main mobile hai
Chrere pe smile hai
SMS ke acchi khasi file hai
Phir bhi aap SMS nahi karte
yaar, yeh kaisa style hai…!

wahda

Ek Dost Ka Dost Se Wada Hai
Marte Dam Tak Nibhayenge,
Maut Aye To Tumse Pehle Hum Jayenge,
Tum Ko Na Bhul Payenge,
Tumhe Bhi Sath Le Jayenge..

lal lal

Daru pio to aankhe lal,
Mehndi lagao to haath lal,
Kiss karo to lips lal,
Kisi ladki ko chhedo to muh lal,
Bach gaye to jio mere lal

nasha badta ha

Daruse Nasha Badhta Hai,
Nashese Junun,
Jununse Mehnat,
Mehnat Se Paisa,
Paise Se Izzat
Isliye Izzat Paneke Liye
Daru Pina Bahut Zaroori Hai! CHEERS!!!

falto shayari

Arz Kiya Hai:
Bakre Ne Maara Jo Bakri Ko Sing,
To Bakra Bhi Marega Bakri Ko Sing,
Wah Wah…

jhoot nahi bolenga

CIRCUIT : Bhai, Bapu ne bola tha ke kabhi jhoot nehin bolna mangta hai.
Apun aaj se kabhi jhoot nehin bolega Bhai.
MUNNA BHAI : Aye Circuit, woh Sabrina ka baap aya hai tere ko dund rehla hai.
CIRCUIT : Bhai usko bolo apun gaoon gayea hai, kheti karne ko.
MUNNA BHAI : Par Circuit, abhi to tu bola kabhi jhoot nehin bolega.
CIRCUIT :Bhai, apun jhoot nehin bolega, par tum to bol sakta hai na.

Gandhi jayanti

PROFESSOR : Gandhi Jayanti ke baray mein kya jante ho?
MUNNA BHAI :Gandhi bahut zabardast aadmi tha, Baap. Maa Kasam, par apun
ko yeh
nehin maloom ke yeh Jayanti kaun hai.

bal gadi

MUNNA BHAI : Circuit, bole toh yeh Ford kya hai?
CIRCUIT : Bhai, gaadi hai.
MUNNA BHAI : Toh phir, yeh Oxford kya hai?
CIRCUIT : Bole toh, simple hai bhai. Ox maane Bael, Ford maane gaadi. Oxford bole toh - BaelGaadi.

jokes by our readers

Doctor! I have a serious problem, I can never remember what i just said. When did you first notice this problem? What problem? (Scott) What is defference between man and Superman? Man wears underwear under the trouser and superman wears it over the trouser. (Tejas Chachcha) How do you know if your a red neck? You go to the family reunon to find a date! (Faithe Ainsworth) Yo mamma so stupid, she tried to commit suicide by jumping out her basement window. (Kyle Burglie) Yo mamma so fat, every time she turns around its her b-day!!! (Pisshead Bonehead) Sam: Would you punish me for some thing i didn't do? Teacher: no, of course not. Sam: good, because i didn't do my homework. (Scott) What is green and smells? Hulk's fart. (Azbar Kahleed) Why did the elephant bring toilet paper to a party? Becase he was a party pooper. (Briana) You so short you have to look up to look down. (Crystal) Yo mamma is so fat: She eats Wheat Thicks. We're in her right now. She was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for a new world. She lay on the beach and people ran around saying, "FREE WILLY." (M.P. Monaghan) Yo mamma so ugly when she was born, your mother said, "What a treasure!" and your father said, "Yea lets go bury it". (M. P. Monaghan) Yo mamma so ugly, she got arrested for mooning when she looked out a window. (M. P. Monaghan) How do you make a blonde's eyes sparkle? Shine a torch into her ear... How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? His lips are moving. Why won't sharks attack lawyers? Professional courtesy. What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand? Not enough sand. Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer? Take your foot off his head. Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer? No? Good! What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit? The bucket. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire? A vampire only sucks blood at night. Yo mama's so fat she had her ears pierced by harpoon. Yo mama's so fat she needs a watch on both arms because she covers two time zones. Yo mama's so fat she needs a hula hoop to keep up her socks. Yo mama's so fat when she goes to a restaurant she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate. Yo mama's so fat, she sets off car alarms when she runs. Yo mama's so fat, when she fell in love she broke it. How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb ? Two. One to change it, and another one to change it back again. How many Conservative economists does it take to change a lightbulb ? None. The invisible hand does it. How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. If the light bulb really needed changing, market forces would have already caused it to happen. Have you ever noticed... anybody going slower than you is an idiot. And anyone going faster is a maniac. George Carlin You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is. Ellen DeGeneris I think men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They have experience pain and bought jewelry. Rita Rudner I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain. Carol Leifer I have a great diet. You are allowed to eat anything you want. But you must eat it with naked fat peple. Ed Bluestone I went into MacDonalds yesterday and said "I'd like some fries". The girl at the counter said "Would you like some fries with that". Jay Leno Why don't oysters give to charity? Because they're shellfish. What can you do in radiation-contaminated rivers? Nuclear fission. Why did the jazz musician like the wooden board? Because it had a nice groove in it! How can you tell if a redneck is married? There is tobacco spit stains on BOTH sides of his pickup truck. I�m currently fasting to protest hunger strikes. Scott E. Roeben People like crowds. The bigger the crowd, the more people show up. Small crowd, hardly anybody shows up. -Gallagher I took a philosophy test that asked us to explain Nothingness. I left it blank. -Scott E. Roeben I heard that the idea for the patent was stolen. -Scott E. Roeben A hearty laugh gives one a dry cleaning, while a good cry is a wet wash. -Puzant Kevork Thomajan I�m tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That�s deep enough. What do you want �an adorable pancreas? Kerr, Jean Smoking kills. If you�re killed, you�ve lost a very important part of your life. -Brooke Shields Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning. -Rich Cook Go To Jokes Page

NEXT plz

Patient: Doctor! You've got to help me! Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say.
Doctor: Next please!

Nothing sir

Headmaster: I've had complaints about you, Johnny, from all your teachers. What have you been doing?
Johnny: Nothing, sir.
Headmaster: Exactly

verb

Teacher: "Nick, what is the past participle of the verb to ring?"
Nick: "What do you think it is, Sir?"
Teacher: "I don't think, I KNOW!"
Nick: "I don't think I know either, Sir!"

products of west bengal

Teacher: What are some products of the West Indies?
Student: I don't know.
Teacher: Of course, you do. Where do you get sugar from?
Student: We borrow it from our neighbor.

do u want to hear dirty joke

A: Do you want to hear a dirty joke?
B: Ok
A: A white horse fell in the mud.

teacher to student

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the....
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

smart one wish formula

A Gujju having no child, no money, no home, a blind mother, prays to God.

God happy with his prays, grants him a wish but its only one wish!

Gujju thinks about his wish and says, “I want my mother to see my wife putting Diamond bangles on my Child’s hands in our new mansion!“

different signs

# Sign on a railway station at Patna :
Aana free, jaana free,
pakde gaye to khana free.

# Seen on a famous beauty parlor in Bombay :
Don’t whistle at the girl going out from here.
She may be your grandmother!

# Sign at a barber’s saloon in Juhu, Bombay :
We need your heads to run our business.

# Seen on a bulletin board:
Success is relative
More the success, more the relatives.

# A traffic slogan:
Don’t let your kids drive if they are not old enough - or else they never will be…..

elastic means

Hansa: Praful elastic matlab??

Praful: Elastic Hansa…

Apni voh radha ben unki beti ila …
Usko jab fracture hua tha to voh kya leke chalti thi??

Hansa: Ila to…
Ila-stick leke …
Ila-stick !! Ila-stick!!!

alphabet means

Hansa: Praful, alphabet matlab….

Praful: alphabet Hansa, local train mein safar karte hoye maasi jaise hi koi seat khali dekhti hai, to wo apni beti Alpha se kya kehti hai?

Hansa: Alpha beth seat pe, Alpha beth,acha toh yeh alphabet….

MP sir

Officer: What Is Your Name?
Candidate: M P. Sir

Officer: Tell Me Properly.
Candidate: Mohan Pal Sir

Officer: Your Father’s Name?
Candidate: M P. Sir

Officer: What Does That Mean?
Candidate: Manmohan Pal Sir

Officer: Your Native Place
Candidate: M P. Sir

Officer: Is It Madhya Pradesh?
Candidate: No, Munnur Pal Sir

Officer: What Is Your Qualification?
Candidate: M P. Sir

Officer: (angrily) What Is It?
Candidate: Metric Pass

Officer: Why Do You Need A Job?
Candidate: M P. Sir

Officer: And What Does That Mean?
Candidate: Money Problem Sir

Officer: Describe Your Personality
Candidate: M P. Sir

Officer: Explain Yourself Clearly
Candidate: Magnanimous Personality Sir

Officer: This Discussion Is Nowhere, You May Go Now.
Candidate: M P. Sir

Officer: What Is It Now
Candidate: My Performance. ..?

Officer: M.P!!!
Candidate: What Is That Sir?

Officer: Mental Problems

jokes of the weak

Pehla gadha: Yaar mein jis dhobi ke ghar kaam karta hoo, vo mujhe bahut marta hai.

Doosra gadha: Tu ghar chor kar bhaag kyo nahi jata.

Pehla gadha: Kya batau yaar dhobi ki ek bahut koobsurat ladki hai, vo jab bhi shararat karti hai to dhobi kehta hai ki, teri shaadi kisi gadhe se kar dunga.
Bas yeh soch kar ruka hua hoo.

A government employee found an old brass lamp in a filing cabinet. When he dusted it off, a genie appeared and granted him three wishes.

“I’d love an ice-cold beer right now,” he told the genie.

Poof! A beer appeared.

Next, the man said, “I wish to be on an island, surrounded by beautiful and willing women.”

Poof! He was on an island with gorgeous women fawning all over him.

“Oh, man this is the life,” the guy thought. “I wish I never had to work again.”

And poof! He was back at his desk in the government office!

दर्द

एक युवती दर्द की शिकायत लेकर डॉक्टर के पास पहुंची।
''आपको कहां दर्द है ?'' डॉक्टर ने पूछा।
''सब जगह दर्द है। प्लीज मेरी मदद कीजिये ।'' युवती ने कहा।
''सब जगह...। क्या मतलब ? जरा साफ साफ बताइये ।'' डॉक्टर ने पूछा।

युवती ने ने अपनी तर्जनी से घुटने को छुआ और चिल्लाई - ''ओह, यहां दर्द है।'' फिर उसने उंगली से ही अपने गाल को छुआ और बताया - ''आउच, यहां भी दर्द है।'' फिर उसने अपने कान को छुआ और चीखी - ''यहां भी दुखता है । प्लीज मेरा इलाज कीजिये ।''

डॉक्टर ने कुछ देर तक ध्यानपूर्वक उसका परीक्षण किया फिर कहा - ''आपकी उंगली टूट गई है।''

काश आप हमारे होते

याद करने के लिए कोई चीज चाहिऐ
आप नही तो आपकी तस्वीर चाहिऐ !
लेकिन आप की दिल तस्वीर मेरी भुला ना सकेगी
क्योंकि वो आप की तरह मुस्कुरा ना सकेगी !!

*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!**!*!*!*!*!*!
*!*!*!*!*!फूलों पर तेरा नाम है "..." *!*!*!*!*!
*!*!*!*!*!हवाओं में है तेरी खुशबु ,*!*!*!*!*!
*!*!*!*!*!*मेरे शेर .. तेरा नगमा,*!*!*!*!*!*
*!*!*!*!*!*हर लफ्ज़ में तू ही तू *!*!*!*!*!
*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!**!*!*!*!*!

««««««●-(¯`(N)´¯)*.काश आप हमारे होते .*(¯`(N)´¯)-●»»»»»»

lalu appointement

Laloo Prasad sent his Bio Data to apply for a post in Microsoft Corporation, USA. A few days later he got this reply:

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,

You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained.

Thanks,

Bill Gates.

Laloo prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply.

He arranged a press conference: “Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki hum ko Amereeca mein naukri mil gayee hai.”

Everyone was delighted. Laloo prasad continued… “Ab hum aap sab ko apnaa appointment letter padhkar sunaongaa. Par letter angreeze main hai - isliyen saath-saath Hindi main translate bhee karoonga.

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad
- Pyare Laloo prasad bhaiyya

You do not meet
- Aap to miltay hee naheen ho

Our requirement
- Humko to zaroorat hai

Please do not send any furthur correspondance
- Ab Letter vetter bhejne ka kaouno zaroorat nahee

No phone call
- Phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai

Shall be entertained
- Bahut khaatir kee jayegi.

Thanks
- Aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyavad

Bill Gates
- Tohar Bilva

political joke

Bush: Tujhe swimming aati hai?
Laaloo: No!

Bush:Tere se kutta acha hai jo swim kar leta hai.
Laaloo: Tujhe aati hai?

Bush:Haan!
Laaloo: Fir tere mein aur kutte mein kya farak hai…

Laloo to his P.A.: Itne khiladi kyun football ko laat maar rahe hai?

P.A.: Goal kar ne k liye.

Laloo: Susra, ball toh pahle se hi gol hai aur kitna gol karenge!

Mr .Laloo Prasad Yadav was sitting with his Ministers examining mail.

Suddenly Mr. Laloo cried out, “Look at this letter! It is addressed to the stupidest man in Bihar”.

His ministers tried to calm him by saying, “How dare a man address such a letter to you?”

Mr. Laloo replied sadly, “This does not bother me, but why did the postman deliver it at the right address?”

Once Laloo was coming out of airport.

As there was huge rush the security guard told Laloo “WAIT SIR“…

For which Laloo replied “65Kgs” and moved on…

mayawati joke

Mayavati expels her maid from work.

Maid throws some coins towards Mayavati's family dog.

Mayavati the reason

Maid: I never forget a friend. This was because of helping me clean the dishes all the time.

ajaab gaaajab joke

Musharraf: Jab main paida hua tha to military valon ne 51 topen chalai.
Santa: Kamal hai, sabka nishana chook gaya?

Ek train bohot time baad chali.

Muslim kehta: Ya Ali bla tali.

Hindu kehta: Jai Bajrang Bali.

Sikh kehta: Arre Ali aur Bali, train apni nahi, saath vali chali !!!

Angry boss: Tumne kabhi ullu dekha hai?

Man: (sar jhuka ke) Nahi sir

Boss: Neeche kya dekh rahe ho? Meri taraf dekho.

A newly married girl got first class in B.Ed.

Her excited husband sent SMS to his father-in-law: Your daughter is first class in Bed.

2 men sitting in a kabristan were talking.
One said: Yeh murde bare aram se apni kabron mein sote hain.

Sare murde uth khare hue aur bole: Kiyun na soye, yeh jaga apni jaan de ke hasil kee hai..

Ik aadmi kabar ke oopar baitha tha. Musafir ne poocha dar nahi lagta?

Aadmi: Darne ki kya baat hai, andar garmi bohot thi thori der ke liye kabar se bahar aaya hoon.

simply joke

Baap: Beta maine tere liye ek ladki dekhi hai, Vo Roopvati, Gunvati, or Sarasvati hai.
Beta: Lekin papa mein kisi or se pyar karta hoon or vo.. Garbhvati hai.



Beggar: Saab 12Rs do na coffee peeni hai.
Man: Lekin coffee to 6Rs ki hai?
Beggar: Par saab girlfrend bhi to hai.
Man: Bhikari hokar bhi GF banali.
Beggar: Na saab,GF ne Bhikari bana diya!



Ek ladka ladki dekhne gaya...

Both are in a room for 10 minutes to talk each other...

Ladki (Darte hue) : Bhaiya aap kitne bhai bahen hain?

Ladka : Abhi tak to 3 the..lekin ab 4 ho gaye.



Wife: kaash main newspaper hoti dinbhar tumhare hathon me rehti
Hus: meri bhi yahi dua hai rab se issi bahane her din nayi nayi to milti.


boy- lagta hai hum dono ek sath nhi rah sakte
girl- kya mere papa se mile the
boy- nhi mai tumhari choti bhen se mila tha

jokes in hinglish means hindi +english

Train mein TT Sadhu se bola : Kahan jana hai?
Sadhu : Jahan Ram ka janam hua tha.
TT : Ticket hai?

Sadhu : Nahin
TT : Chalo
Sadhu : Kahan?
TT : Jahan Krishan ka janam hua tha.. Jail mei

Ek pathan Cycle chalate aur gungunate howe kahin ja raha tha rastae mein ek aurat se takra betha.

Aurat chilla kar boli, “Break nahi maar sakte they kya ???”

Pathan herat se… “Pora cycle mar deya abhi break mar kar kia faida.”

A donkey kicked sardar & ran away, sardar ran to catch the donkey.

He saw a zebra and started beating it and said, ‘Sala tracksuit pahan ke dhoka de raha hai’.

Rabri : Ka karat ho?
Laalu : Ek dost ko chitthi likhat hu!

Rabri : Par tuhar likhna to aawe nahi.
Laalu : Vo sasura bhi to padhna nahi jaanat.

Sardar : What is the name of your car?

Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with “T”.
Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaara gaadi petrol se start hoti hai.

santa banta hilarious jokes

Banta went to the emergency room with the tip of his index finger blown off.

“How did this happen?” the doctor asked.

“Well I was trying to commit suicide,” Banta replied.

The doctor asked, “Trying to commit suicide by shooting your finger?”

“No, silly! First I put the gun on my head and I thought my face would look horrible, then I put it in my mouth and I thought I just paid Rs. 1,000 to get my teeth straightened. So then I put the gun in my ear and I thought this is going to make a loud noise, so I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger.“

Banta called his friend Santa and told him that he recently met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do?

Santa said, “Send her some flowers and a card and invite her for a home-cooked meal.”

Banta liked the idea, so he invited the woman of his dreams.

The day after the meal Santa calls Banta and asks about the meal.
Banta: “It was a flop idea.”

Santa: Didn’t the girl come to your house?

Banta: She did, but she refused to cook!!

Banta class mein - madam maine “abc” yaad karli..
Madam -ok , to sunao..

Banta - abcdefghijklemnopqrstuvwxyz…..
Madam - arey aise nahi ….aise suna A for apple

Banta - ok madam…. A for apple.

B for bada apple.
C for chhota apple.
D for dusra apple.
E for ek aur apple.
F for fokat ka apple.
G for gol apple.

H for hazar apple
I for itney saarey apple?
J for jaao nahi khaani hai apple
K for kaise nahi khaayengey apple
L for lena padhega tumko apple
M for mujhe nahi chahiye itne apple
N for naa nahi kehtey kyunkey yeh hai apple
O for Oh to tumne khaa daale yeh saare apple
P for peth bhar khaao apple
Q for qismat mein nahi hoti hai sabke, yeh apple
R for roz agar khaao tum apple
S for sehetmand rahoge khaaogey agar tum apple
T for tumko nahi milengey itney achey apple
U for udhaar kii nahi hai yeh apple

V for very tasty hai yeh apple
W for waste na karo time aur khaalo jaldi se apple
X for X’mas mei bhii Hi! khana padenge apple
Y for yun na chehra phero dekhkey apple
Z for zaraasa aur khaalo apple aur………..

love and cute sms

Tumhara dukh hum seh nahi sakte,
Bhari mehfil mein kuch keh nahi sakte,
Hamare girte hue aansuo ko pad kar dekho,
Woh bhi kehte hai ke hum aapke bin reh nahi sakte.




Woh karib na aaye toh izhar kya karte,
Khud bane nishana toh shikar kya karte,
Mar gaye par khuli rahi aankhe,
Iss se jayada hum kisi ka intezar kya karte.




Maine hi kuch na samjha meri hi thi khatayen,
Woh dil ki dhadkano se deti rahi sadaayen,
Umra bhar tadapne ki saja di humein jisne,
Uss bewaffa ko yaroon kaise bhala bhulayen.




Mohabbaton mein zara si kasak zaroori hai
Shikayaton ke gulon ki mahek zaroori hai
Koi sawal karoon main tumse toh naaraz mat hona jaan
Kyun ki sachche pyaar mein thoda sa shak zaroori hai





Daman bacha na pyaar hi paya,
Usne mohabbat ko ek daag lagaya,
Khuda kisi ko na bakshe yeh tarana,
Pagal ho jata hai banda sayana.




Yeh wafa ka sila hai toh koi baat nahi,
Yeh dard tum ne diya hai toh koi baat nahi,
Yeh bahot hai ke dekhte ho sahil se,
Safina dubraha hai to koi baat nahi.

short sms

Boy : Jaan-e-man… ees dil me aaja na!

Girl : Sandal nikalu kya?

Boy : Pagli, yeh mandir nahi… aise hi aaja!!

Bhola: Itne kum marks? Do thappad marne chahiye.

Pappu: Haan papa, chalo maine oos master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai.

Santa to Shopkeeper: - Mujhe India ka flag dikhao.

Shopkeeper ne flag dikhaya,
Santa: - Isme aur colour dikhao.

SOME FUNNY LONG MESSAGES

Ek aadmi ne ek gawar naukar rakh liya aur usse samjhaya ki kissi ke naam lene se pahle JEE laga diya kare.

Thori der baad naukar bhagta hua aya aur bola…

“sahebji sahebji kutteji’ne murgi’ji ko pakar liya hai.”

In a remote village of India, once Masterji is teaching the Mahabharat katha to class 6 students. He is at the ‘Krishna janma’ part of it.

Masterji : “Kansa heard the akashwani that his sister’s 8th child is going to kill him. He was furious. He ordered to put Vasudev and Devki behind the bars. First son is born, and kansa kills him by poisoning… Second one is born n Kansa throws him off the mountain peak. Third one is born…

Ramu : I have a doubt (sounding nervous and confused).

Masterji : “Ramu bete, whole India does not have doubt in Mahabharata then how come you have one?”

Ramu : Masterji, if Kansa knew that Devaki’s 8th child was going to Kill him, “Why the hell did he put Vasudev and Devaki in the same cell?”

Ek aadmi apne dost ki kabar par phool daal raha hota hai.

Aur brabar mein bhi, ek aadmi apne dost ki kabar par chawal daal raha
hota hai.

Pehla aadmi doosre se kehta hai, “Ye tumhara dost phool sunghne kab uthe ga?”

Doosra aadmi, “Jab tumhara dost chawal khane uthe ga.”

Girl : If you will try to kiss me main shor macha dungi

Boy : Lekin yahan to dur tak koi nahi hai.
Girl : I know per formality to karni hi padegi.

Wife: Aji suniye, mujhe kisi mehengi jaga le ke chaliye na ji….

Husband: Chalo, tayyar ho jao…

Guess where he took her….
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Petrol pump!!!