jokes by our readers

Doctor! I have a serious problem, I can never remember what i just said. When did you first notice this problem? What problem? (Scott) What is defference between man and Superman? Man wears underwear under the trouser and superman wears it over the trouser. (Tejas Chachcha) How do you know if your a red neck? You go to the family reunon to find a date! (Faithe Ainsworth) Yo mamma so stupid, she tried to commit suicide by jumping out her basement window. (Kyle Burglie) Yo mamma so fat, every time she turns around its her b-day!!! (Pisshead Bonehead) Sam: Would you punish me for some thing i didn't do? Teacher: no, of course not. Sam: good, because i didn't do my homework. (Scott) What is green and smells? Hulk's fart. (Azbar Kahleed) Why did the elephant bring toilet paper to a party? Becase he was a party pooper. (Briana) You so short you have to look up to look down. (Crystal) Yo mamma is so fat: She eats Wheat Thicks. We're in her right now. She was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for a new world. She lay on the beach and people ran around saying, "FREE WILLY." (M.P. Monaghan) Yo mamma so ugly when she was born, your mother said, "What a treasure!" and your father said, "Yea lets go bury it". (M. P. Monaghan) Yo mamma so ugly, she got arrested for mooning when she looked out a window. (M. P. Monaghan) How do you make a blonde's eyes sparkle? Shine a torch into her ear... How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? His lips are moving. Why won't sharks attack lawyers? Professional courtesy. What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand? Not enough sand. Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer? Take your foot off his head. Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer? No? Good! What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit? The bucket. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire? A vampire only sucks blood at night. Yo mama's so fat she had her ears pierced by harpoon. Yo mama's so fat she needs a watch on both arms because she covers two time zones. Yo mama's so fat she needs a hula hoop to keep up her socks. Yo mama's so fat when she goes to a restaurant she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate. Yo mama's so fat, she sets off car alarms when she runs. Yo mama's so fat, when she fell in love she broke it. How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb ? Two. One to change it, and another one to change it back again. How many Conservative economists does it take to change a lightbulb ? None. The invisible hand does it. How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. If the light bulb really needed changing, market forces would have already caused it to happen. Have you ever noticed... anybody going slower than you is an idiot. And anyone going faster is a maniac. George Carlin You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is. Ellen DeGeneris I think men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They have experience pain and bought jewelry. Rita Rudner I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain. Carol Leifer I have a great diet. You are allowed to eat anything you want. But you must eat it with naked fat peple. Ed Bluestone I went into MacDonalds yesterday and said "I'd like some fries". The girl at the counter said "Would you like some fries with that". Jay Leno Why don't oysters give to charity? Because they're shellfish. What can you do in radiation-contaminated rivers? Nuclear fission. Why did the jazz musician like the wooden board? Because it had a nice groove in it! How can you tell if a redneck is married? There is tobacco spit stains on BOTH sides of his pickup truck. I�m currently fasting to protest hunger strikes. Scott E. Roeben People like crowds. The bigger the crowd, the more people show up. Small crowd, hardly anybody shows up. -Gallagher I took a philosophy test that asked us to explain Nothingness. I left it blank. -Scott E. Roeben I heard that the idea for the patent was stolen. -Scott E. Roeben A hearty laugh gives one a dry cleaning, while a good cry is a wet wash. -Puzant Kevork Thomajan I�m tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That�s deep enough. What do you want �an adorable pancreas? Kerr, Jean Smoking kills. If you�re killed, you�ve lost a very important part of your life. -Brooke Shields Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning. -Rich Cook Go To Jokes Page